Mild bipolar, new sort of
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|Fri, 08-17-2012 - 2:35pm|
I have probably posted here or the depression board before..it's been a while. Anyways, I'm a newlywed (3 months) and in a new city (Denver) and have a therapist but recently realized with the help of others that I needed more. So I looked up a psychiatrists on our insurance and went yesterday. I have been off meds for maybe two years now, and was originally diagnosed with major depression when I was 15 (now 29). A battle for years. I have tried a slew of drugs until finally in my last couple of years of college, my psychiatrist there put me on Lamictal and it worked and continued to work...but I was graduating and moving to Denver and wanted to live life off chemicals. I was doing well enough until the last 6 months, but I had quit my job, got married, a whole new life to learn really.
This new psychiatrist suggested I may be mildly bipolar. I was upset at first. This woman doesn't know me, I only sat in her office for the first time for 45 minutes and already a label..thanks, down the rabbit hole again.
Later yesterday, I remembered a conversation with my college psychiatrist..he thought the same diagnosis, type "3" bipolar. I know there is no type 3, technically, but I don't have mania, but mainly depression, but do go up and down a little..type "3" means, for me, not specified bascially.
I poured out my heart last night through sobs to my husband. He just looked at me. He asked me what was wrong, and the floodgates opened.
We met in college, known each other for 7 years, now married just 3 months. He has been through this with me, and has seen it all. The cutting, the tears, the happy kid..all of it.
But, I feel so unsupported and not treasured. I am in pain and need and want my husband. What can I do for him? I have reached out to my church friends, I have amazing girls praying for me, who came over to my house and loved me, but my husband has not done that. It hurts.
I am job hunting, and very worried about money. I literally have $13 in my bank account. This was one of my many sobs last night. I can't pay for my medicine I need to start or for anything right now. We have insurance (thank God), but are there ways to save even more when it comes to medicine?
I remember in high school always leaving my psychiatrist's office with a brownbag of samples and my prescription ..do doctors not do this anymore??