Recently diagnosed and wanted to share

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Recently diagnosed and wanted to share
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 12:45am

For almost a year I have been treated for depression and it didn't feel like much but I thought maybe thats what its supposed to feel like. I decided to try a new doctor because my anxiety was starting to poison every aspect of every day. I have two children and they're counting on me to be healthy and alert and with that was anxiety as well. I was first put on a higher dose of Zoloft and given Lorazepam for anxiety. This didn't work and things were becoming dire, so I was switched to Effexor. I thought Effexor was great, suddenly I wanted to clean, ALOT, and sleep took a backseat for a while. I felt overly excited and euphoric so much so that I felt it was too much. Back to the doctor I went and after 3 weeks of Effexor I was quickly weaned off to then began Lamictal. This was possibly the worst thing yet, the withdrawal was, for lack of a better term, horiffic. I had a complete psychotic break and for the first time in my life found myself in my closet with a belt in hand sobbing with every horrible intention to do it taunting me. If it weren't for my baby crying on the monitor and the doorbell ringing with my mother on the other side I may not be here. I went back to the Doctor AGAIN and was told to up the Lamictal. Well I had another break, all the while every thought and movement just wasn't mine. Now I'm taking it easy, I'm on Seroquel, and while I'm finally feeling great it feels too great like its the mania. I haven't been on seroquel long enough for any true relief but I pray when I finally go to bed that I wake up the same person. The one that wants to play with her child, hold her baby and love him dearly, keep the home and have dinner ready for my other half. This is all so new, but the symptoms were always there since my teen years but I brushed it off as being well, just a teen. The hope I hold in my chest so tightly I force it to stay rain or shine, and the bad thoughts that I am unloveable or undeserving now take the backseat. I'm fighting like hell to be the same beautiful strong woman I am today, and for every other day here on. Here's to hope and never giving up, or giving in.

Avatar for theresa_winger
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-23-2009
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 1:08pm

Welcome to the  board. It's wonderful to see you posting here and I hope that you will stick around and post more often.


Flowers & ButterflyTheresa Flowers & Butterfly      

I'm so sorry you have gone through so much.   Remember, it takes a good 6 weeks to feel a medication change.

Are you also going to therapy?  If you find a good therapist, you will feel alot better.


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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-07-2002
Mon, 08-06-2012 - 6:35pm

Hi Hopes, and welcome,

     I was dxed back in '93.  I've mostly been stable for the past 11 years, but for the first nine, I had a war on my hands.  You've got a war coming up too, but I want you to know that it is a winnable war.  Beating bp means never giving up.  Go to the pdoc, accept treatment and medication, and go to the hospital in extreme circumstances.  Take care of yourself first, because only then can you care for your child and husband.  Remember, NEVER GIVE UP!


Beth "Petrouchka"