Scared to Start Paxil

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2012
Scared to Start Paxil
12
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 3:11am

I was severely depressed about 7 years ago and was briefly on Paxil.  I stopped taking it when my Mom told me my family could not afford $80 a month to be on happy pills. I have been getting more and more depressed and anxious over the past year and half, to the point that I barely leave the house. I have stopped working, lost my apartment and don't have health insurance.  

I finally was able to see a psychiatrist on a state mental health program and she immediately prescribed me Paxil. I have had it for almost a week now and I can't make myself start taking it. I went from doctor to doctor complaining about physical symptoms for 8 months before one finally said it was depression and I should see a psychiatrist again due to my history; then the psychiatrist said I really needed to get the lab work done by a doctor to explain why I am still having physical pain.

I spent thousands of dollars last year having tests only to be told it was depression! I am so confused.  I guess part of me is afraid it is something physical and if I take the Paxil it may "cover up" something else than may be going on, but I know I can't go on like this.  The low-cost health clinic is not accepting any new patients so I have no hope of seeing a regular doctor any time soon becaue I cannot afford to start all over with $300 visits and costly lab work.  All I have for the immediate future is this prescription in my hands and I just can't get myself to open the bottle.  

I have thought about applying for Disability since it would be the only way for me to get Medicaid, but the psychiatrist told me since I "chose" to stop seeing my other doctors (because they were bleeding me dry with test after test only to say it was all in my head!), I would not have any hope of getting it anyway.

What should I do?

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Wed, 01-02-2013 - 1:50pm
It sounds like you are afraid to take "happy pills" because of the attitudes towards them your family had. I suffered with depression for years but I couldn't bring myself to go to the dr. Because I'd been raised to think I was weak and that I should just suck it up because I didn't have anything to really be sad about. There was a lack of validation from my parents and I think yours that makes us doubt our own feelings. Taking the Paxil or Prozac in my case does not make us weak. We deserve to be happy and for whatever reasons we aren't. So take the medications and see if they help. In my case the Prozac makes it easier to be happy. It isn't a magic happy pill as our parents may believe. It helps correct chemicals in our brain. It takes up to month for Prozac to make a difference, but now that I've been on it for a while I'll feel much better. If it doesn't help you after that amount of time or if it makes things worse, then talk to a doctor about other options. Try looking up psychologists that work on a sliding scale based on income, or try calling a local college psychology department and see if there are students that need clinical experience. You deserve to be happy, your parents were wrong to make you feel that antidepressants are worthless frivoloties. Take care
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Wed, 01-02-2013 - 3:55pm

~hugs~

Please don't give up...

I would take them because they will help...I am on an Anti-Depressant myself.

Trying them won't hurt and the dosage can ALWAYS be adjusted or the medication changed to something that works best for you...

I am so sorry you are going through ALL of this.

My heart goes out to you...

I hope 2013 turns out to be a New Beginning for you.

I would not give up on applying for a Disability...

This was not your fault.

Sometimes we need help...

I know I did.

<3

Lorie

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Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2012
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 12:58am

Thank you so much for your reply.  You really struck a chord with me regarding the not having "anything" to be sad about comment. My Mom said those exact words to me back in '04 and she said if I carried on the way I was that something would happen to me that would show me what it was to have something to "really" be sad about.

Knowing I am not the only one who has experienced this kind of response from the people around them really helps. Not that I would wish it on anyone or anything, but still, somehow it makes it  little easier to face.

I am very, very close to starting the meds tonight. I promised myself I would on new year's, but I didn't ... I am gaining courage, though.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-09-2012
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 1:02am

Your post made me teary eyed ... it's nice to have some happy tears for a change. No one in my family hugs or if they do, they certainly don't hug me so it was nice just to get a virtual one.

I know I really, really must take my meds and I think just getting a chance to express the trepidation I felt and have someone else acknowledge and respond in such as kind way to it has given me a little boost.

Thanks so much.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Thu, 01-03-2013 - 5:04pm
Glad my words helped you a little. And I agree, as much as I don't want others to feel this way it's nice to not be alone, it's nice to have someone who understands. Best wishes! You are not alone. I hope you find what works best for you so that you can be happy.
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Sun, 01-06-2013 - 7:57pm
How are you doing? I hope you are feeling well
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 01-08-2013 - 2:12pm

They have definitely helped me...

Just know you aren't ALONE...:)...

I never thought I would be taking an Anti-Depressant myself but it was such a relief to talk to someone and tell them how I was feeling...

I am on a different one from what I was taking in the beginning and it seems to be helping...

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 01-08-2013 - 2:13pm

They have definitely helped me...

Just know you aren't ALONE...:)...

I never thought I would be taking an Anti-Depressant myself but it was such a relief to talk to someone and tell them how I was feeling...

I am on a different one from what I was taking in the beginning and it seems to be helping...

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 01-08-2013 - 2:14pm

They have definitely helped me...

Just know you aren't ALONE...:)...

I never thought I would be taking an Anti-Depressant myself but it was such a relief to talk to someone and tell them how I was feeling...

I am on a different one from what I was taking in the beginning and it seems to be helping...

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 01-08-2013 - 2:14pm

They have definitely helped me...

Just know you aren't ALONE...:)...

I never thought I would be taking an Anti-Depressant myself but it was such a relief to talk to someone and tell them how I was feeling...

I am on a different one from what I was taking in the beginning and it seems to be helping...

Nightangel

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