Anyone afraid of developing schizophrenia?
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|Thu, 06-23-2011 - 6:21pm|
I've been battling GAD and MDD for the past 3 or so years, with moderate episodes that occur under stress and boy, have I had a lot of stress during those years.
I have seen 1 psychiatrist during those years, much to dismay of my therapist (Clinical Psychologist) who basically said he disagrees with the psychiatrist's assesment (possible schizoeffective disorder) but even though 2 professionals (the therapist and family doctor) dismissed anything beyond "your typical major depression and anxiety" I have since wondered if at 35 years old and no family history of schizophrenia, I may still be able to develop the illness.
Sometimes I sit there and worry to death that I may already have schizophrenia, I am just not aware of it. I realize that in order to be diagnosed with it, one should hear voices, etc. and I DO NOT have any symptoms of schizophrenia but that doesn't prevent me from still thinking I may have it or may get it one day.
Are these irrational type of thoughts part of anxiety, I wonder. Is this my brain playing tricks on me?
I don't think I would ever have such fear if that one psychiatrist didn't introduce the possibility. Schizoeffective disorder is after all in the family of schizophrenia and although I do see how he was able to draw the conclusion (I told him that I feared that people talk bad about me, which would be considered paranoia), I think he also traumatized me as a result and now I am struggling to make some sense out of it.
It makes me feel better hearing from people who know me well that I am intelligent and well educated, almost too well adjusted to be considered in the real "crazy" category but I always seem to come back to these other fears. It's almost like I feel that I am a big fraud, acting like I am a normal person but deep down I am anxiety ridden over this unsettling feeling that there's something wrong with me. When I start to think about this, I often work myself up to the point where I feel my heart racing, I get very anxious and I feel like I may be going crazy.
I have been taking Zoloft, low dose for a few months and it only helps me to function better, it did not eradicate the feelings I've just described.
I mainly wonder if anyone else is struggling with the fear of developing a "heavy duty" mental illness as a result of their depression?