Depressed - I need to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2009
Depressed - I need to vent
4
Mon, 03-25-2013 - 4:45am

Hi everyone, I used to post a lot on this board about 6 or 7 years but not so much recently. I am back because I don't really know where else to turn to for help. I had a bad week last week and my weekend wasn't that good either. Last week I made the hard decision to break up with my boyfriend. We were together for a little over a year and he was abusive to me about 2 to 3 months after we started dating. I tried several times to end things but he also promised he would change but it never happened. I suffer from depression and borderline personality disorder so I feel alone and I don't like being alone. I feel happy though that I was able to do the right thing and I am trying to move on from it. I ended up losing two close friends because I broke up with him. He didn't have any place to go (he was staying with me) and they let him stay with them. They lied to me about it and asked me why I couldn't be friends with them and I told them I didn't feel comfortable going over there with him there. My friends also told me that I wasn't going to pick their friends for them. I am not trying to do that, I just don't feel comfortable being there when he is and I feel like they have turned their back on me when I really need them. They don't seem to want to look at it from my perspective. I don't want to see him homeless or anything though. I just had to get out of the relationship. He's tried contacting me about his xbox games and I won't say anything to him. I don't want to have any contact with him. My friends have tried contacting me and I won't talk to them either. I have one close friend that does know what is going on and she has helped me by listening to me but I don't want to bother too much because she has her own problems to deal with Last week was really hard for me as well because on Wednesday it was a year since my mom died. Tomorrow is my birthday too and I don't really have any plans. We celebrated it early because my dad is down in Florida right now. So I decided to come here and talk about what is going on and I hope I get some advice. I appreciate the responses I will hopefully get.  Thanks for reading.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2009
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 1:19am

Thank you so much for your reply. For me it's hard to get over an abusive relationship because I have depression and I don't like feeling alone. I feel like I don't have many friends anymore so I am thankful to have found this message board again. I ended the friendship with my friends because not only did they lie to me but I felt like I was their friend because they always wanted me to do things for them. I would do their laundry for them, it got to the point where they would just drop their laundry off and not even stay. They would ask me for basic things like cat food, cat liter, dish soap, shampoo, toilet paper. I have been told that I have a kind heart and when they would ask for these things I would give it to them. Then I realized they were just using me most likely I wrote a long email to my friend and explained my thoughts and feelings. I was still with my ex when I wrote this and he felt the same way. Then a week later the tables turn and he had physically abused me for too long and I ended it. Then he goes to live with them. It seems like you understand where I am coming from and I appreciate that. Thank you for your response and reading what I wrote.

Susan

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-25-2009
Wed, 04-03-2013 - 1:11am

Hello.. Thank you so much for repsonding me and posting the links. I will look at them once I am done writing this message to you. I don't know anyone else with the same diagnosis as me but sometimes I feel like I am the only person in the world that has it because a lot of people don't understand me. I always feel so alone, scared and paranoid. Since he has been gone I put a bed room lock on my door because he has a history of stealing from his family and one time when we got into a argument he went into my purse and tried stealing $5.00 from me. I walked out and caught him doing it and asked him why he was doing that and he said he was doing it as a joke. I didn't find it funny at all. Since he has been gone I have been talking to someone that is on my Facebook but I would never consider dating him or evening being his girlfriend. He has a sexually transmitted disease and has a history of being violent. The other day I was walking to the store and I ran into him and we were standing there talking and my ex walked by. Every since then I have been hearing that everyone seems to think that we are together and we are not. My sister told me that my ex ran into her husband and he told him about this guy and tonight my sister told me to stay away from him. I am just feeling so hurt by this, I just wish he would leave me and my family alone. I have intense feelings about this. I feel so hurt and rejected and I feel like my family is against me but I really know they are not. I am trying to move on but it's like every where I go I am always hearing something about him. But anyway I have heard of Marsha Linehan and I have the Skills Training Manual for Treating Borderline Personality Disorder. I am thinking that tomorrow one of my goals is to make an appointment to go back to therapy. I think it will really help me to work on dbt skills and get over this breakup. Thank you so much for reading what I have written and I am glad that I have found someone who knows what I am going through.

Susan

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Fri, 03-29-2013 - 9:50am

~hugs~

I am dealing with Depression to and also ended an abusive relationship.

Kudos to you for doing that, it's not easy!

Right now you have to take care of yourself.

I wouldn't go there either.

We need to distance ourselves.

He is an adult, he is responsible for taking care of himself.

I would be upset to if my friends didn't get it, as long as he is there and the fact they lied to you says it all, sums it up you want no contact with him...

This is a great place to come and vent and Welcome back!

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Mon, 03-25-2013 - 5:40pm

Hi Susan,

This sounds terrible, but I was excited when I read that you have BPD.  I do, too, and I so rarely meet anyone with the same diagnosis.  It's really hard to understand what someone is going through unless you've been there yourself.  I get it, I do.  Good for you for finally ending it with your ex.  You deserve better.  I know how hard it is right now -- ending a relationship is never easy, and it's even harder when you have BPD -- but it gets better.  Don't be afraid to turn to your friend when you need her, and you can always come to us here.  Feel free to PM me if you want, as well.

Also, have you looked into Dialectical Behaviour Therapy?  Marsha Linehan developed it specifically for people with Borderline, and it really helped me.

http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/an-overview-of-dialectical-behavior-therapy/all/1/

http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/06/28/marsha-linehan-what-is-dialectical-behavioral-therapy-dbt/

http://behavioraltech.org/index.cfm

*hugs*  We're all in this together.