Depressed today over faux pas I committed... feedback needed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Depressed today over faux pas I committed... feedback needed.
3
Thu, 09-01-2011 - 6:26pm

Back again :)

It's "amazing" how many triggers exist for someone to go from low grade depression to severe over some "minor" life situations. For me, everything is a trigger these days. My therapist thinks it is because I've had Major Depression/ Dysthymia my entire life. Basically, the dysthymia is present pretty much all the time, and it turns into Major Depression with stress.

Anyway, my latest situation is that I admitted to googling someone the other day and that person (whom I googled) decided that it made them so uncomfortable that they should sever ties with me (we were not close friends, more less acquitances.) Actually, there's more, that person's name was attached to some NEGATIVE press (nothing huge) and it was all open to the public on like page 2 on google. Yes, I blabbed about it too. I thought she wouldn't mind I saw that. BUT INSTEAD she denied it was her, for whatever reason, even though her name is VERY unique and then cut off all the contact.WITHOUT any explanation.

I sent a very brief apology email, read by another friend who said that it was very well written and sincere, basically saying that I realized that I committed a social faux pas and it wasn't motivated by anything more than a plain curiosity and my mistake lies in the fact that I admitted to googling (because everyone does it, c'mon) I received no response to date and at this point I'm not even expecting it.

Being prone to depression, and having self-esteem issues, I have been beating myself up badly, thinking "how could I be so indiscrete?"I'm mostly afraid that she thinks I'm ssome kind of a stalker even though in reality I couldn't care less about the person because I didn't even like her. I know what someone else may think in my situation, "if you dont' like her, then why do you care what she thinks?" I don't know how to answer that. I just do.

How would you feel if you were in my situation and what is an objective way to think of it? Also, is the person's reaction warranted? I still think it may have been an overreaction. What do you think?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005

I think you have posted this before but it's ok.

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007

I think I remember something about this post before, that is okay.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009

Heidi, I'm aware that everyone googles everyone/everything or so it seems. But they probably don't tell their friends "hey, guess what, I googled you and look what I've found....!" This is what I've been struggling with more less, whether it's my distorted perceptions being at play (I committed a heinous crime, or so it feels like when the garbage truck of regrets and negative emotions shows up) OR whether a "normal" (read: non-depressed person) would have a different reaction