Frustrated

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Frustrated
10
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 7:59pm

I should be happy. I have a loving understanding husband and a new house. I just want to sleep all the time. I can't handle little stresses. I do well for a while and then I'm back here crying. Wishing it would all just go away :(

We both want kids but what if I get post partem depression, what if the kids end up like me struggling to be happy every day.

At a meeting at work the other day something was said that really upset me. We make paw prints for people when they have their pets euthanized. To me it is VERY important. It'Ruth's last thing I can do for a grieving owner and a last memento of their pet. I take a little longer to do it because I make sure it comes out right. At the meeting we were told after describing the technique I use that it took too long and often still looked like "shit" i didn't feel comfortable saying anything at the time but wrote the manager anled pained how important doing the pawprints well was to myself and the owners. To which she replied that it took too long and I'd left a deceased patient alone and when she reminds me to do the  . ( I was pulled away to do some bloodworkwon another  patient ) and she said that I replied I know I didn't forget in a cocky manner. Which was not my intent.

I felt bad leaving the patient alone, and I hurried back. I was respectful of the body and made a good paw print. I didn't think I soundecockeyed.

Why can I not stop crying when I don't think I did anything wrong? I had the last 2 days off but have been too depressed to do much other than sit in bed.....

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Thu, 12-13-2012 - 10:43pm

Welcome to the board!  Sorry to hear you are feeling depressed.

Have you been diagnosed with depression?  Are you on any type of medication for depression?  Do you see a counselor?

I am not sure if you have, "depression" or if you may be feeling bad because of your job?  Only a doctor can make a diagnosis.

You mentioned post partum depression.  I have 2 children and had post partum with both.  For me personally, if I wanted children, I would still have them because there is medications and therapy that can help with all types of depression.  I am not foresure on the latest research wheither or not depression is genetic.  You can ask your doctor.

Would you like me to make another post about what some of the criteria are for depression, so maybe you can get an idea if you may have it?

Please let me know if this is helpful or if you have any questions.

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Fri, 12-14-2012 - 1:25am
Ive been on Prozac for the past couple of years now. I was seeing a counselor for a while but then I didn't have insurance for awhile so stopped going. I also have hypothyroidism... Which causes anxiety, lethargy... With the meds I seem to get longer periods of time without being depressed, and much less anxiety. I just feel like I'm falling back into it now. My siblings have been leaning on me a bit lately. I guess I give off the impression that I'm doing great, but it's a fragil state and I think I wasn't ready to be leaned on. But they needed me so I did my best. Now that they seem to be doing better I'm having issues again. I love them but talking about old wounds has left me out if sorts again. I'll probably go back to my counselor now that I have insurance again. I wish being happy wasn't so much work. I really want to be able to be emotionally stable and their for my own kids one day.... How do you deal with it with children?
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: sunset5000
Fri, 12-14-2012 - 6:28pm

Good question!  I will try to answer from my own personal experience.

I am also on Prozac and it has helped me a great deal with anxiety and PMDD. 

I think you asked how do you handle having depression when you have children?  Let me be honest, it is real hard sometimes.  Not the children, but I can't just go to bed when I am depressed, or I should say, in my opinion, it is not fair to the children to have their mommy in bed all the time, so that is the hard part for me.  Or when your depressed and you don't feel like cooking or playing with your children which for me is hard.  But, I chose to have children, so I have to make a extra effort to be there for them, even though inside, I am crying.  I don't want them to grow up remembering that mommy was always in bed.  But, I do it.  And, I can say this, when I am feeling down, I go play with my kids and they make me smile and laugh.  That is the good part of being a mommy Smile

Are you trying to have children now (if I may ask)?

I understand the struggles we may have with depression.  I am so glad we have this board to come to where other people understand and may be feeling the same way you are. 

Please post again!

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Fri, 12-14-2012 - 11:47pm
We haven't started trying yet. We got married about 10 months ago (time sure has flown feels like yesterday) we want to have at least a year of just the two of us. Which started this November since we've either been living with roommates or family have been living with us till then. I want to have plenty if time to enjoy each other as well as become as stable as I can before sharing my home and heart with little ones. I feel bad not taking my dog for a walk when I'm too depressed to get out of bed.... Your words are encouraging. It may be hard but it sounds like it actually helps keep you happy having your kids there to love and watch grow and learn.
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: sunset5000
Sun, 12-16-2012 - 2:48pm

How is your weekend going?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Sun, 12-16-2012 - 9:54pm
A little better.... Hubby is feeling like he's the only one doing any work around the house and is feeling upset. I hate it when I get in these ruts. I feel depressed and so sleep all day and don't help around the house and that makes my husband upset and he tries really hard not to show it but it makes me more depressed because I'm letting him down .... Perhaps it's time to visit my psychology gist again
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 12:16pm

Hey,

just wanted to say Hi and welcome.

Love

Promsie



iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 4:21pm
Hubby and I had a long conversation last night about my lack of help around the house and his apprehensions of bringing kids into the world with my depression. I've never been a neat person and it gets worse when I'm depressed. I don't expect him to clean up after me but he still feels like he's alone I'm taking care of the house. I'm scared about kids too... But we agree we both want them... I am worried more about passing on my depression and he's worried I wouldn't be there for the kids when they need me. I agree some days I won't be able to play all day, but I'd get them to where they need to go and they'd be fed and clothed. I feel like no-one is perfect and many people have kids despite their own issues or shortcomings. I don't think I'd neglect my kids, but i know I will fail them sometimes.... Would that make me a horrible mother? Should I ask hubby to come talk to my psychologist with me and talk about kids? ...
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
In reply to: sunset5000
Fri, 12-21-2012 - 11:18am

I read your post and can totally related to you!!  For the past year, my husband has told me numerous times that I don't do enough around the house.  Like you, I want to be in bed.  To be honest, it has got to the point months ago that he actually told me I am lazy.  That was so not good.  I don't think he understands depression.  I want to get out of bed, I want to do more around the house, just some days it is so hard and I really have to force myself. 

I asked him to make me a list of things he would like to see me doing more of around the house, he hesitiated, but did make the list.  Well, you know what?  I have completed the list many days (run dishwasher, do laundry, vacum....) and now he seems to find more that I am not doing around house.  Sorry, this is not about me, we are talking about you, just had to vent a minute.

If you truely want children, in my opinion, I would have them.  I don't think most parents play all day with their children, but that in no way would make you a bad mommy.  As you said, your kids would be fed and clothed and I hope it is okay for me to add LOVED!!  I would not worry that you won't be there for your kids when they need you (as you mentioned) because you don't seem like the kind of person that would ignor your children.  This is my opinion.  I think that when you "choose" to have children and prepare ahead of time, as it sounds like you already are, then it comes naturally because you made the "choice" to be a mommy.  When they put that new baby in your arms for the first time, wow, how amazing and wonderful of a feeling it can be!!

Someone may read what I wrote and disagree and that is fine, I am talking from my opinion and my experience.

As far as passing on the depression to your children, I do not have the answer for that.  For me, I wanted children and hubby and I decided we would take the chance, as I am not foresure what the latest research is on that.

Does this make sense?  Does this help you any?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-14-2008
Wed, 01-02-2013 - 12:30pm
Happy new years.... :( So before I met my husband I used to drink a lot. I was very angry and depressed and not on meds for my depression or thyroid disease. I'm not an alcoholic. I can have one drink and stop. I can be drunk and have fun. But sometimes I'm a down right mean drunk. I haven't gotten like this in over a year. I don't know what sets me off.... I don't remember what I said. I remember being out and having fun and then being angry and upset and hiding from the group. Then I remember standing in the driveway with our wedding rings in the snow. I said such mean horrible things :( I know I did because I made my husband cry, but I don't remember what I said. I don't deserve to be married to my husband.... I treated him so awful... How can he still love me....