I'm not sure what I need...

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
I'm not sure what I need...
12
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 12:01am

Life has been tough lately.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 7:33am

HI and I am so sorry, you know I am dealing with my own loss of Mom and husband in 2010.

Have you called Hospice to see if there is a grief group, or local churches as those should all be about free unless they just charge the cost of any reading materials.

I so get it that EVERYONE thinks they understand the individual grief we are all going through, and they are so clueless.

take care,

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 11:29am

Hey sweetie,

that was a real insensitive remark that your DH made and I can imagine how badly it hurt, especially after all you have been through yourself.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 3:46pm
I"m not really sure how much therapy in the past has done for me anyway...I do write. I keep a blog that I write in quite a bit. I'm not a talker, unless someone directly asks a question...and not the blanket, "how are you doing today?" I feel that no one wants to hear the real answer anyway, so it's the standard, "I'm Okay," or "I'm fine". Which in both senses are not true. My BFF reads my blog, and has commented on the fact that it seems that the only ontrol I feel I have over my life right now is my emotions (my tears). I don't cry. I don't feel safe anywhere crying. DH doesn't tolerate tears well, I don't want to have to explain myself to him or LO, and I certainly can't at school! Anyway, BFF asked me a question last night...If my emotions are the only thing I can control, and from what I write, it looks like I'm starting to lose my grip on them, what's going to happen when that control is gone? She says she's worried about me...which I don't understand. She needs to take care of herself and her own grieving for her father. She doesn't need to worry about me. (which then makes me feel very guilty).

But yes, other than answering direct questions or my blog, I am keeping everything tight and quiet in my little shell. It's getting pretty crowded in here...especially with Mom's birthday being next Week.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Tue, 10-25-2011 - 10:27pm

Well, yes, this would be tough for anyone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 11:30am

Hey,

I do understand where you are coming from.



iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 7:08pm
Actually, I have checked the Hospice schedules online, and there is nothing I will be able to attend until next summer. The ones coming up in the next few months are either during school hours (and being the teacher, it won't work), or are for "loss of spouse" only. My church doesn't have any classes whatsoever. I'm sure I could "counsel" with my pastor, but he's always out and about because the church is mainly filled with older people that need him. (70's and 80's type older)
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 7:10pm
I have a decent relationship with my husband, but when it comes to talking, he won't listen. I"m a little ADD, and I can never keep my thoughts straight. It takes me over an hour to type a coherent paragraph or two in my blog...

I probably should go back in to therapy, I won't deny that, but I also need to check on finances. DH doesn't like me going into my therapy sessions, because he thinks it makes me more crabby when I come out.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-2003
Wed, 10-26-2011 - 7:14pm
I"m starting to get on that food control thing, too. I don't eat breakfast, though I do indulge in the occasional Starbucks Frappachino in the mornings. I rarely, if at all, eat lunch. I do eat dinner...when someone is around...because I don't want to be nagged about not eating. It's not like at my disgustingly high weight, that I can't stand to miss a meal or two anyway.

I know I'm safe here. Most of the time, though, I'm feeling so down, that I can't even put into words what's going on. I'm just filled inside with so much pain...and I can't seem to get it out...and I don't know how.
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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-04-1999
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 5:42am
Can you ask your Pastor if a nearby church has something? My church always opens all its meetings to anyone that wants to attend.
I just know this church group has really helped me, which is why I am so pushy on this one. And my therapist is a safe place for me to unload too. take care, Josie
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Thu, 10-27-2011 - 10:27am

Sweetie, I don't have any answers but I do know that everyone here cares about you and we are always about when you need to offload. I can feel that pain bubbling up inside you and , just like a volcano, it will erupt out.



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