Is it really Depression?

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Is it really Depression?
7
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 9:38am

Most of the little questionnaires I answer identify it that way.  I do spend a lot of time crying, but I remember times when I contemplated and even planned suicide and this is not like that.  I just have nothing to live for.  I was a wife and mother now I'm not.....I'm a drone that works to live a life I'd rather be done with.  Not really a life even.  More just breathing in and out wasting space and air.  And with really no expectation that anything but death will change that.

So all the 'advice' sections I see tell me to get exercise and sunshine.  When I can drag myself out of bed for anything but work I do.  I consider it a pretty big accomplishment that I'm still making it to work daily.  I probably shouldn't.  Most  people make it to work daily and just consider it a daily occurrence not a major accomplishment.  I am not completely sedentary and I have not completely isolated myself, but I am also not as social or active as I once was - no need to lie to myself or anyone else about it.

Where do you find a reason to get out of bed when you have none and really don't care?  Where do you even start looking?

RD66

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 1:14pm

wow. that is a really nice poem or whatever you call it.. (sorry)

anyway; at times I feel like God has abandoned me and I know it isnt true but I feel like it....

My faith is waning and I dont like that.. I keep looking for a miracle and its not here yet or its not coming.......

How do you keep your faith? I pray alot and all that is necessary but I am starting to feel untrusting of God.

Thank you

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 1:56pm

Oh; thank you so much.. I have been also on crying jags for a few days.. I dont know what it is except I am very unhappy about things right now.. I am greatful but then I go back and forth to being ungreatful.. You see I have been divorced since 2007 and I miss my old marital home still to this day... I used to be able to go there when my ex wasnt there and hang out.(long story). but he rented out the house a month ago to some family and I cant go there anymore..I live with family and I hate it.. Been here for years and only due to my own self I got stuck here when economy took a dive.. I am trying to get work but nothing so far..I do blame myself but I wouldnt mind a break and I dont see any in sight .. well? Not yet anyway..

I also feel alone at times.. I have some few friends and I so appreciate them but its not the same as having a true partner.. and as I age it gets scarier and scarier and I feel so alone............It might never happen and that is hard to accept.. There are so many things I go to alone and its getting to me.. I know it sounds like a pity party but its how i feel at times..

On top of that like you there are people I love with health issues and it scares  me to think of these things..

I feel like yes we are th rown the curve balls and they keep coming and its like dodging them alot and I am tired of it..

thanks for the post.. It made me feel better...

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Thu, 09-27-2012 - 6:43am

Hey,

sure sounds like it is depression. Maybe you could go talk with your PCP and talk about it? And here is always a great place to come. Heidi, our CL and the great folks here, sure have picked me up off the floor enough times with their support. Depression has a way of creeping up on us and wrapping us up in dark and heavy cloud but we can get out, with help and support.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2012
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 12:12pm
hi..you have all of the symptons of depression. meds can certainly help. I have felt just like how you are feeling now and it is a horrible way to live. I suggest that first you go see your doctor to get a med to help you and then try to get involved in something to help other people, even for a couple of hours a week. This works for me. Keep me posted and keep your chin up (even though I know it is hard). take care, Pita64
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 10-02-2012 - 3:30pm

Hey Pita64,

welcome to the board. I don't believe we have 'met' yet.

Love

Promise