Just need to talk to people who understand

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Just need to talk to people who understand
8
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 5:53am

I am 33 years old and have been battling depression and anxiety in varying degrees for as long as I can remember...going back as far as when I was just 12 or 13 years old. I was on medication for many years when I was in my 20's, but went off them 3 years ago when I was uninsured for a time and could not afford the doctor visits or the cost of the drug. I should probably have gone back on them a long time ago, because thinking back, I could have saved myself a great deal of suffering, but lately, things have gotten so awful, and I started having panic attacks, so I finally went to the doctor the other day. Unfortunately, I had a late-in-the-day appointment on Friday, and by the time I got to the pharmacy and realized that the Rx she gave me had no generic and would cost me over $100, I have been unable to start on it yet. (I am waiting for her to return my call - as of late yesterday, she was "Still going through messages from the weekend.").

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 10:44am
Yes, it sounds very much like the depression is a leading cause of your sorrow. 'Normal' people would still maybe feel sad in your situation, but the depression is exemplifying the emotion. I believe the mends would help you, but I think you could really benefit from some therapy to learn some coping skills for the anxiety.

Good luck and keep us posted!
Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 11:06am
I know I should talk to someone as well, but I am having trouble figuring out if my insurance will cover it. Maybe even if I just do the few visits my EAP covers, maybe that will help.
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Tue, 06-07-2011 - 1:53pm
You could try to find out if there is some kind of support group... that is usually free. I personally haven't tried it b/c I don't believe there is one here.

My mother used to work for for Social Workers and Mental Heath and they billed what you could afford. Some only paid $11 while others paid $35. (I worked there some evenings) But I know things are different in the States than here. The therapy I am getting right now is part of Mental Health and she mentioned something about how it is typically 6 sections. I didn't fully understand... I have only been once so far.
Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 7:54am

I have thought of doing that as well. I definitely agree I need to be in therapy. I used to go to a therapist, and she was really sweet...but I felt like all she was doing was listening to me talk. I didn't really feel like I was getting "fixed" - it was just nice to have a kind, compassionate, impartial ear. I went to a different therapist, but didn't really care for her. Then, through my old EAP (different state than I live in now), I saw an awesome therapist I wanted to go to permanently....but my EAP would only pay for 2 visits, and she was not covered by my insurance plan. That was horribly disappointing - I really feel like she would have helped me. I guess I need to keep searching.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-06-2009
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 10:00am

We do understand......I am so sorry you feel such intense anxiety over this relationship.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-18-2011
Wed, 06-08-2011 - 1:35pm
I don't really belong to any church but that is one thing I have considered. I have "my own beliefs" and should explore them more.

I think one reason I get anxious in relationships goes back to the first relationship I was ever in. He would just randomly disappear on me, stop showing up, stop returning my calls, etc. for no reason. Then, he'd eventually feel bad about doing that, and we'd get back together. Ever since, I worry in every relationship if he doesn't call or text when I think he is going to. I have learned not to "go psycho" by repeatedly calling/texting, and just telling myself, "Relax...you will either hear from him or you won't." With my current boyfriend, I allow myself to send one message. 99% of the time, I hear back from him immediately, or within a half hour. In the very few instances that I don't, I will hear from him the next day, and it usually turns out he was either asleep or his phone had died.

I also get anxious anytime there is a change in his usual routine. Previous bouts of anxiety were last August when he started back at school, December when his semester ended and work hours changed, then again in January when he started the new semester, in March when I started worrying because the semester was half over and I worried about whether or not he was going to break up with me when he joined the Coast Guard, and now, since he's out of school again and things are changing again.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 06-10-2011 - 12:58pm

Hi,

I'm sorry to hear what you're going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-13-2011 - 11:59am

The priest at my parish is a certified pychologist.

Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)