Losing my daughter to mental illness.

Visitor (not verified)
anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Losing my daughter to mental illness.
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 12:16pm

Hi I'm here again. My world feels totally surreal. My daughter is still struggling w/ depression, extreme anxiety, self harm and suicidal thoughts. I feel we have both really tried every thing for the last year or so. She gets through her day coping w/ depression takes her meds, is in a day program to work on her coping skills, but just seems to be getting worse. In the last month or so she has started being so angry, she goes through spells when she fights everything I say, and then other parts of her day she's normal. She share's plans for getting better, shares how she's going to cope w/ anxiety. The new thing is she can't sleep at night. At first -say - midnight she wakes me up and wants to talk or pray, but by 1:30 she agitated and hostile, acting very threatening. This doesn't seem like depression or her anxiety . Is this a side of depression that I didn't know about? My mom is bipolar and when she first showed signs of mania it was like this. That was thirty years ago, I was 19 and it took so long to get her stabilized; of course I was clueless and didn't know what I was doing while caring for her. I'm just trying to stay on top of this but not see BPD if it's not. I talked to her Dr. this morning but feel like it's all trial and error.

I would much more appreciate your input.

Thanks much,


iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 2:23pm

Hey Maya,

I am real sorry you and your daughter are having to cope with all this.  I think the fact your daughter does have times when she feels hopeful is all good but then those swings downward must be real scary for you both.  I wish I had some answers for you that would make you feel better but all I can do is send you love and support. 



iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 09-25-2012 - 9:07am

After I read your post my first reaction was that it is very sad and upsetting to be having to keep going through this and of course it is but then I thought this could be your new normal and you are doing the best you can with it all.

Keep on the course and as they say this is yours and your's DD's journey and you both are coping and working on it the best you can.. I mean what else can you do? Keep her safe and all until something else better comes along and that could happen. I mean she could outgrow all of this and it will be over...

I do kind of am into new holistic and natural remedies.. I do once in awhile what is called Emotional Freedom Technique.. and its is a sort of tapping on energy spots on the body.. It is quite simple and there are many examples on Utube.. this really works and it opens up the energy in the body.. Heck; these th ings cant hurt.

Since I have been taking Vit.D and getting more sun that seems to help also.. Maybe not for your DD but its worth a try...............

If I were you I would try all sorts of things and you never know what you will use or learn or do with the new found stuff.. It could help both of you in long run.....

Keep going and moving forward into finding new ways to survive and cope.. Remember its your new normal ........

Also remember to get some respite for yourself.. You cant go through this alone and not have time for you.. Make the time even if its a walk in park or a drive or whatever. If you need someone to stay with DD then get someone.. You can do t his..

Take Care

Community Leader
Registered: 03-18-1999
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 9:05pm

Maya - 

Good for you trying to stay on top of this and help your daughter. Talking with her doctor is definitely a great step.

I can only comment from my experience with depression and panic/anxiety attacks - all of which I still deal with daily (this has been almost a 18 year ordeal). I do not get much sleep (only about 4 hours straight a night). I can tell you that after a couple of nights of this - I am very cranky, mean and easily agitated. Amazing what lack of sleep can do to you. It can also really upset your hormones. I too had suicidal thoughts when I was first diagnosed with depression and started many meds. It took a long time for the med/therapy combination to help but I really think the therapy and group support was more help to me than the meds.

It is very possible that your daughter is showing signs of bipolar disorder as it has been found that there is a genetic link to that disorder and to depression. However, this is definitely for a professional to decide and I don't think they are quick to judge or label with that diagnosis. As long as the physician is helping, that is great.

This may or may not be something she has to manage for the rest of her life - for both of you I hope and pray that this is not the case. I am sure that she is grateful for your support even if she does not show it 100% of the time.  Rejoice and celebrate the good days and don't dwell on the bad ones.

Keep us posted - vent anytime you need to as many here understand completely.


Community Leader - Women At Work Board
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 4:40pm


My dd has been dealing with this since she was about fifteen.

Just wanted to say you are not ALONE.


Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-30-2012 - 4:50pm


My Beloved Mom passed away many years ago.

My Dad is alive and has a mental illness.

Both my dd and ds are also struggling and so am I.


You are an "Awesome" Mom and daughter...:smileywink:...

This is now the time to also care for you.

My dd lives on her own and my ds lives with me.

We recently moved and he handled it well in spite of his "Anxiety"...

My dd looks after herself but I am also actively involved.

We went through some rough patches but have come through them.

Hang in there if you can...

I felt like I LOST my dd but we have become even closer than ever.

In spite of mental illness your boundaries and theirs have to be respected.

"Anxiety" is very difficult to live with if you have it and even if you don't and are a care-giver.

My heart goes out to you because I do know it is not easy.