Need some support and a safe place to vent

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-04-2006
Need some support and a safe place to vent
3
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 7:08pm

Hello, I am new to the forum and thank everyone in advance for taking some time to read my post. I've struggled with an eating disorder, depression, and anxiety for much of my life. I was treated for my eating disorder several years ago and have been in therapy and on meds since. I recently married my love, moved across the country to be with him, started a new job, and am finishing my doctorate in the process. So, lots of changes! Its understanable that I am feeling depressed and am off my game, but the intensity of these feelings is really starting to overwhelm me. I am anxious about graduating, about finding a career I like (as I hate my new job with a passion). I am having a hard time with the move, as it seems like my friends are having a better time without me. As if, it is better that I am gone. I feel like there is nothing left that is good or successful or loveable about me. When I try to express my feelings of self-loathing and fear to my therapist, husband, and friends I am told to simply "grow up", "get over it", "you are wrong for feeling that way, learn to control your feelings". Well all of this makes feel worse about myself, and isolated without anyone to go to.

 

How do I deal with all this? I want to disappear.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 09-15-2012 - 5:00pm

Hey,

you have found a great place to come talk and get support.

I have an ED myself so I can appreciate the problems that brings with it for you, and depression seems often to come with ED.

Not doing great today but just wanted to acknowledge your post. The people here are real supportive sop I hope you will stick around.

Love 

Promise



Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 3:26pm

~hugs~

This a great place to come and find support.

<3

Nightangel
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sun, 09-16-2012 - 11:07pm

Welcome to our board!!  I am glad you found us and glad you shared what is going on.

You are not wrong for feeling the way you do!!!  When you think about it, how can another person tell someone they are wrong for feeling depressed?  You feel how you feel.  From what I have learned on this board and from people who have depression, others whom have not been diagnosed with depression may not understand.  They are not in your shoes.  So many of our lives look perfect to everyone else, but inside, we may be sad and lonely.

I am sure your friends miss you a lot.  Maybe they are covering up their own sadness of you being gone because they may be afraid if they let you know they are sad, it will make you feel bad.  What do you think?

What is your field of study?  Getting your doctorate, how awesome that is!!  How proud you must be.

I had a thought.....do you feel like because you moved and your going to graduate, that you feel things ending?  That probably doesn't make sense.  I just know that I was excited to graduate college, but also sad it was ending and scared of the future.

Please don't disappear or feel isolated, we are here and can understand what you wrote.  Please tell me if anything I wrote makes sense?

I can say "your not alone"