People who just don't get it.

Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
People who just don't get it.
8
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 6:22pm

Are there people in your life who just don't get what you're going through?  My father-in-law is one of those people, and I just can't get past it.  For the most part I don't care any more if people think I'm lazy or just need to pull up my socks and get over it, but my FIL is just all-round ignorant and it irks me no end when he says things like, "Well, when you're just sitting around..." or "You just need to get up and do it".  I CAN'T, YOU IMBICILE.  ARG*OUIDNLKGDSIGDSHJVI!!!!!!!!  And, to be honest, I hate that anyone with that proximity to me in my life thinks that I'm lazy, and especially someone with that relationship to my kids.  What are they going to grow up thinking if their grandfather is openly disparaging of their mama?  It makes me feel even worse about myself.  I'm just frustrated with the whole situation and sick of it.  If he was someone I could cut out of my life, I would.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 6:35pm

I so understand what you are saying so I will send you a big cyber hug...

I live with family and me being 59 years old I try and find my own apt. and job and I have a hard time with it. So that makes me more depressed.. People say oh; do this or that or find this or that. Idiots that they are I am doing all I can.. Sometimes I think it would be better to live in my car than with people who dont understand or have a clue.. Its like I do the best I can with my down and outs and depression and life.. Geezzzzzzzzzz so yes all you can do is the best you can and dont be so hard on yourself.. You cannot control what others think or do and its really not your business.. I dont say that to offend you but think about. If we keep caring what other people think of us we wont get better.. Take one day at a time and dont listen to what people say. if you have to yes get the negative and abusive people out.. Hey; I left an abusive marriage and if it werent for being homeless I would leave my sister's place asap where its bad energy.. As a matter of fact I look for a place to live all the time and I will find it and then have  more boundaries when it comes to negative people..

Hang in there and know that you are not alone..

take care

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 10:13pm

~hugs~

Attachment: 
Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Tue, 05-21-2013 - 10:19pm

<3

I got out of an abusive relationship...

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Wed, 05-22-2013 - 11:11am

I don't know if I agree that it's not my business in this case.  It kind of becomes my business when he's saying it in front of my kids...otherwise yes, I'd agree with you.  I do need to let it go...but how?  :(

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Thu, 06-06-2013 - 6:28pm

He (your fil) shouldn't be bad-mouthing you in front of your kids...period.

What does your husband think?

I am hoping he stands up for you.

Nightangel
Community Leader
Registered: 05-04-2011
Fri, 06-07-2013 - 1:05pm

You're telling me!  I don't think he should be badmouthing anyone in front of my kids, let alone one of their parents.  *angryface*  My husband says he stands up for me (FIL has never done it in front of me) but I like to project my horrible feelings about myself onto my husband, so I don't believe him.  He's ticked as all get-out that his father says stuff like that in front of the kids.  Then again, that's not the only issue we have with the grandparents (all of them) so there's a lot of work to be done in those relationships.

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Sat, 06-08-2013 - 12:11am

I just read all the posts and wanted to say that I think it definetly is your business.  How could it not be any of your business, he is your family, your children's grandpa, so that makes it family business.

Just had to put my 2 cents in.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-16-2002
Wed, 09-04-2013 - 3:10pm

You don't mention how old your children are, but have you talked to them about what your FIL says about you to them?  I think you could nip it in the bud by telling them, when grandpa starts talking negatively to just say to him "if you don't have anything nice to say, don't say anything...".  They should just keep repeating it as necessary, and then change the subject to something else.  Your kids don't need to be a sounding board for him. 

Insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.

.  -Albert Einstein