Tilt.....

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Tilt.....
4
Fri, 06-24-2011 - 5:02pm
Well, this is my first post, so hello.... been diagnosed with ADHD, Aspergers', Social Anxiety with Depression, and to top that all off, Traumatic Brain Injury.

And if that's not enough, I'm also gay, single, and struggling with weight issues from the depression. OY!

My name rather says how I feel, particularly in the throes of my depression. I feel like a reverse King Midas. Where literally EVERYTHING I do, everything I touch, turns into worthless Fool's Gold. I'm so lousy with math that my finances are habitually a wreck, I've pissed off everyone I know from TRYING to manage things on my own, and today was just so over-the-top with stress and everything that I truly felt like I wanted to pick something big and symbolic of MANY of my shortcomings and failures, and torch the bloody thing just for spite.

I have a family and personal history of addictions, and if I hadn't drawn the line and decided to find a board like this to talk on... I'd be head first INTO addictions today, no question about it. But the funny part is, I CHOSE to find this board instead. That's new, now that I think about it.

Huh.
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 06-24-2011 - 7:15pm

Welcome to the board!!!

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2009
Sun, 06-26-2011 - 7:06pm
Whoa, that's a lot of labels at once. Is the brain injury recent, if I may ask? How was it diagnosed?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-26-2003
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 12:41am

I have a nephew who has add, aspergers, DCD which would include the social anxiety part.

Marianne, mom to Margaret (01/02), Elizabeth (03/04) and Annabelle (07/07)
iVillage Member
Registered: 06-24-2011
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 1:40pm
@just_aubrey: Actually, the TBI diagnosis was from at or suspiciously around my birth. Never did get a straight answer from the doctors when I was born. It was diagnosed through a CAT scan in the 3rd grade.

@mar_and_meg: Both. Thank God for the 'net, because offline my social anxiety is DEFINITELY from environment. Would try to make friends with seemingly nice people, only to get rejected just for trying. Then there's the well-meaning crap I get particularly from family, which unfortunately ends up more trouble than it's worth. Neither really helps the depression, either.

As for therapies, I could relate some true horror stories on THAT score. Ever heard the phrase, "The cure's worse than the disease?"

Oh, joy. As I WRITE this, I just had another tete a tete with family about the financial problems. I'm in my THIRTIES, for Hades' sake. What does my own grandmother just say to me? "You are a horrible child!" The woman just threatened to have me arrested because my math was off and ONE check bounced! (For THAT one, she's going straight to VOICEMAIL for the next few weeks...)

That's at heart, part of my frustrations. My medical issues, seem to translate into a false perception that I'm perpetually either immature, or stupid. And when family members get upset at something, I get swore at.

I love my family. But at times I feel as if it's bloody conditional for THEM. When something in my life glitches, I get all the criticism for it. When something goes RIGHT, however infrequent, I usually get "Well, I'm happy YOU'RE happy...". But often they don't really get the same wavelength of happy, I do on the subject.

There's just... no filter, sometimes. They mean well. But often? They spew, when upset or concerned. And things are said that should NEVER be said, if you ask me.

Huh. If this is a genetic thing, this explains a LOT about why my more distant relatives ARE not exactly up for family reunions....