Trying to cope with fiance's depression...

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006
Trying to cope with fiance's depression...
4
Tue, 09-13-2011 - 10:11pm

....as well as my own. My fiance has been very depressed due to not having steady work for over 2 years. Things are so bad and he keeps hitting brick walls. In addition to him being depressed over his unemployment, he suffers from dental pain and no insurance to have his teeth pulled and no money to pay out-of-pocket. Then there is me who suffers from chronic pain from fibromyalgia, arhtritis, spinal stenosis, and slipped disks. I have been trying to cope with this pain for 6 years and the last 4 years has been the worst. I do everything I can to stay as positive as I can, but sometimes I am so down that all I can think about is dying. The past few weeks I have been working hard at not going to that dark place and I must say, I am doing ok, for now at least. The problem is, I am sick of hearing my fiance every day say how his life sucks and how horrible his life is and how he does not want to go on anymore. It is all day, everyday. Even the smallest thing that happens, he will say how horrible his life is and it is happening because it is him. I help him as much as I can, but nothing seems to help. Nothing I say or do seems to matter. I cannot handle hearing the negative talk all the time, everyday.

He is normally a negative person without problems, so now that he is faced with struggles, it is so bad. I feel like I am in hell when around him sometimes. I hate to say this because I do love him, but sometimes I dread being around him. I make myself not talk to him as much as I can because he brings me down so low. I have been trying to help him think positive for the last 2 years. I have helped out financially and I have helped with pain meds to help get him through some of his pain, but I cannot keep helping with all these things. I do not have much left to give. I need someone here for me. Is this selfish?

I do not have anyone. I am alone. My family is either dead, unstable, or far away. I have no support and I feel like my well is running dry with helping my fiance. He is a basic good person, but I cannot hold him up when he seems determined to stay down. I am starting to recent him for acting like this and then I begin to feel guilty because I understand why he feels so low and depressed. I want to find happiness and I would like to find happiness with him, but I am seriously doubting I will ever find happiness with him.

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005
Wed, 09-14-2011 - 12:26am

I am terribly sorry for what you and your fiance are going through.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-27-2006

I do not live with him anymore. I moved in with a friend. I see him on weekends, but now I am dreading spending weekends with him. We called the dental schools in the area and they cost more than regular dentist. I called them and they wanted $500 down and then they take payments after that. We cannot afford that. They said if he was a student he would only have to pay $50 for each visit and no money down. He says he is in too much pain to take classes. He could get grants to take classes, but I guess it is getting there.

He is mad at me because I have not talked to him since 8pm this evening. He is sending me messages on FB and is mad because I am not responding. He acts like I am to be there at his every beck and

     ~ Tina ~

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-20-2005

You are NOT being mean or selfish - you are taking care of yourself!

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009

Hey ,

sweetie you need to remember you are also important and deserving of support. It isn't being selfish, it is being sensible.

Make sure you try and do right by yourself . I am sorry your bf is so negative because when this happens it just pulls you right down along with him.