Trying to keep my head above water

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Trying to keep my head above water
12
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 12:16am

I've suffered from depression for pretty much my whole life.  I'm on meds that have worked pretty well for a long time.  I don't do any therapy right now, but exercise regularly and do things I enjoy to help keep my head on straight.  However, as I've entered peri-menopause, I've started having anxiety and horrible trouble sleeping.  I have a toddler who doesn't (never has) sleep through the night.  When I get up with him, I'm up for hours.  Sometimes melatonin helps...but I haven't slept a full night in years.  Our daughter is having the typical middle school girl social issues and that really upsets me.  Our older son and daughter don't get along to put it mildly.  we don't do much as a family because of their bickering. I'm an only child and my mom died years ago.  My father is in my home state and not doing well, so I am entering sandwich generation.  Anyway, I came here because I knew people would understand and maybe have some suggestions. 

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iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 12:46pm

I htink you picked a good board here as th epeople here are very helpful with their advice.

But, not to belittle the help you can get here, I think it sounds to me like you might want to consider going back to therapy. EIther one-on-one with a counselor or group --- because they might be able to offer you some coping mechanisms. DH still goes to therapy even though he is on meds adn they are helping wonderfully. I think thereapy, right now, for himis just a safety net, but it's there in case he needs support, KWIM?

And you are not alone in having family issues, sandwich generation issues, etc. Just knowing that you aren't alone sometimes is a great help, and others going through the same thing can give you ideas.

 

Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 5:35pm

Welcome to the board!!  I hope you find the understand and support your looking for here.

I agree with the previous poster that counseling may help.  What do you think?

I was thinking and wondering ... do you think the concerns your having with depression are about yourself or about your family?  Meaning, if your son was to sleep through the night and your daughter improved with social issues in the teenage years, do you think YOU would be less depressed?  I ask this because I am wondering if the depression is inside from you or possibly more situational (meaning the situations at home).

Whatever is causing the depression, you are not alone and people on this board do understand.  If you would like to tell us more about you, maybe we can help more.

Not trying to move you to a different iVillage board, but I also have depression and have children and I go to various boards.  I believe their is a toddler board and a teenage years board.  Do you think that would help?  But, please know, you can post here anytime about depression.  Does the pre-menopause contribute to this?  Sorry, not there yet and don't know :smileyhappy:

 

 

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 5:54pm

Hi and Welcome!

I am trying to do the same thing.

Sounds like you have your hands full and also dealing with sleep depravation.

My dd and ds are older.

DD lives on her own and my DS lives with me and our two cats...:smileywink:...

Like you I lost my Mom and my dad is older but lives in another city.

I think Life can sometimes be overwhelming for ALL of us at times.

Just recently started a new Anti-Depressant fairly low dose but thinking of asking them to possibly increase it.

Not too sure but are you on your own with the kids?

I know from experience being a Single Mom is not easy...being a parent period is not easy. Whether you are doing it alone or not it has it's challenges for sure!

 

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 01-27-2006
Mon, 09-17-2012 - 6:23pm

Thanks for the replies.  No, my husband and father of all three is in the pic and helps a lot...driving, homework, etc but doesn't get up with the baby. Ever.   I think my whole world is skewed from only sleeping a few hours at a time for so long.  I really can't even nap as I'm so attuned to go go go trying to get stuff done.  We have a checkup for him soon so will tell the doctor that the benadryl she suggested isn't helping.  We've tried letting him cry and he does for hours!   Just can't get him used to sleeping all night.

The family thing is huge.  Every day I want to run away from all of it.  The older kids bickering, my DD with her host of issues, and a 2 year old to boot.  My dad and MIL are the only grandparents left and I see how it can be to get old...sad.  I feel like I'm not doing right by anyone although I am trying my best.  I think counseling would be great and will get on that now that the baby is in preschool twice a week.  We don't really have day sitters or family to watch him so that is a constraint.  Thanks again!

Community Leader
Registered: 10-22-2001
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 7:22pm

~hugs~

You are doing the very best you can...

Hopefully you are taking some time out for you, even if it's ONLY fifteen minutes.

Close the bathroom door take a shower or a bath.

Curl up and read a book while the baby naps if you can...

My ex left when our ds was two and our dd was four.

It was hard...:smileysad:...

Even now sometimes I wish he had stepped up, but he didn't...:smileysad:...

I learned not to depend on him but it's our kids who ultimately have suffered the most.

When I want to run away...:smileywink:...like right now (my ds can be demanding at times) I desperatey want/need a Calgon moment.

Feel free to vent away!

Nightangel
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-15-2011
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 9:05am
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 9:27am

cycling2006,

How are you doing?  I hope I did not offend you in any way when I replied to your first post?

I have 2 children and my husband.  I give single mom's (and dad's) so much credit because if I didn't have help, I don't know what I would do.  My husband had never babysat or changed a diaper before our son, who is now 7 years old.  Being a single parent, I can just say, pat yourself on the back if anyone reading this is or was a single parent.  Parenting is the toughest job you will ever love, right?

Ok, just checking to see if your doing any better.  Hug

 

 

Community Leader
Registered: 03-18-1999
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 8:51pm

Cycling2006 -

You have gotten some wonderful responses already and I hope that all of this has helped to let you know that you are not alone in any of this - but I agree that you need someone or something in your life for you to vent. If this board is not enough, then check into therapy or a support group if you need actual face time with people.

I have dealt with depression for many years as well as the lack of sleep. I can't remember the last time I had some really good sleep as I can never get more than 3-4 hours a night. I can't turn the tape off in my head and when I was on ALL my meds - I just felt so loopy since I still only got about 5 hours. What is bad is that after about a week of very little sleep, I am so exhausted that I finally may get about 6 hours uninterrupted and that is the best I can hope for. The exhaustion triggers my depressed moods and my panic/anxiety attacks. 

I can also tell you from experience that being peri-menopausal can cause sleep issues. So you are being hammered from every direction. I take a little trick from my sister when her boys were little, she closes the bathroom door when it is that time and read a book for about 15-30 minutes. It is similar to the "calgon take me away" moment - but she is an avid reader so that was her "me time". You have got to have that time to yourself to just relax.

I too wonder, as others have mentioned, if a lot of your depression is due to the stress of the kids, parents getting older, or is it just from the sleep issues.

Please make sure you let us know how things are going as we are all keeping you in our thoughts for things to be better.

 

Community Leader - Women At Work Board
Avatar for sunset5000
Community Leader
Registered: 10-10-2007
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 11:53pm

critterville,

Do you know about what age does "peri-menopausal" occur?  Any idea about what age is the earliest it could start occuring?

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-2011
Sat, 09-29-2012 - 10:32am

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