Why I can't I stop being destructive?
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|Mon, 08-27-2012 - 2:26pm|
I've been having a lot of mixed feelings about college lately.
Last fall I was really lost and depressed and had literally no direction. The semester started fine but within days I was having extreme anxiety so I started skipping classes because I really didn't care about school. A few weeks in I made the decision to just drop out for the semester which I hid from everyone in my life except my boyfriend and best friend. I started having a better handle on my depression and re-enrolled for spring semester. I ended up dropping two classes during the semester but finished with two classes that I completed. I started feeling better and decided to enroll in summer school to take a class to less my anxiety about school starting in the fall. I completed that class and never had a day where I didn't want to go or wanting to skip so I thought this was all behind me in the past.
My fall semester just started last week and I feel the same depression/anxiety coming on and my bad feelings of not wanting to be at school are back big time. I went to all of my classes last week but woke up today and mentally could not handle it so I skipped my morning classes. I drove to school and everything and got into the parking lot and turned around and went home. I felt relieved at first then eventually disgusted because I don't want to quit again.
I hate being depressed and feeling so unsure of myself and my actions. I feel like sometimes I can know what the "right" thing to do is but I end up not following through like I have no control over my behavior.
I cannot afford counseling because of my crappy insurance and I live in a small area so there isn't really any cheaper places to go. I am on wellbutrin well supposed to be but stopped taking it because I wasn't remembering to take it at the correct times.