Blah blah blah :|

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Blah blah blah :|
6
Sun, 11-20-2011 - 7:46pm

My throat hurts. I'm getting laryngitis. I'm flat broke and will have to overdraw to grocery shop. If left to me...alone....I wouldn't even bother shopping.

Clearly, my bf hates me. I haven't heard from him in almost 2 weeks. I know...he's been depressed, looking for work...blah blah.

I hate feeling ignored, forgotten....unimportant. :(

Every morning it's the same intrusive thoughts as soon as the eyes open..." I hate myself and I wanna die today." Everyday I have to dispute that..."Not today. You can't do it today."

Go figure, I have to go to groups tomorrow and prolly will have a session with my therapist. That just makes me so thrilled too *rolleyes*

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 1:28pm

(((((HUGS))))). Maryah, your bf doesn't hate you.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 11-21-2011 - 8:45pm

Still nothing from my bf :'( His phone has been off for days. I'm guessing he lost it...typical. I wish he would at least IM r email me...even if to tell me to get lost. Anything would do at this point. Not knowing is driving me mad!

I had session of course. Only for about a half hour but that's fine. Fortunately, tdoc wasn't pushing my buttons today. I guess she realized that wouldn't be a good idea.

How strange that the ED behaviors aren't roaring outta control. Eating has resumed...as well as gaining weight...blech. Obviously the ED mindset doesn't go away. That will forever torment me.

doesn't surprise me that the depression is making itself nice and cozy. I still hate myself. I still hate life and everything in it.

I cried finally. Now I'm angry again.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 10:21am

Can I join you in hating myself, hating life and hating depression?

We can make it, Maryah, we have to make it.

If your bf is anything like DP, he'll just assume you know that he's lost his phone or something.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 11:46am

He probably does assume I know he's lost his phone. He also probably knows I'm angry that he hasn't even bothered to IM or email. Therefore, he'll put it off longer to avoid the confrontation. Obviously, that just makes it worse though :P

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 11-22-2011 - 6:42pm

wow...and so I just got an awkward phone call. My bf's mama called me. Apparently, she hasn't heard from him either and is worrying. I know he received the email I sent earlier..at least I was notified that it was received. He didn't respond though.

So, I guess I know it's not just me he's not talking to. Must be he's isolating.

Hmmph...what goes around comes around. I tend to isolate alot. I suppose I've hurt ppl doing that. Now I know what it feels like. Wtg bf...I guess you showed me >.<

I dunno what to think or feel. I do understand. Doesn't mean it hurts any less though.

I'm trying not to be angry...

...oh and I'm getting fatter all the time.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Wed, 11-23-2011 - 3:49am

Hey Maryah,

men can be real jerks at times but you gotta love 'em .