gray areas??? huh??
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|Sat, 01-07-2012 - 2:11am|
Ok this has been an ongoing topic in therapy for like...ever for me. I'm always told that I have black and white thinking. I don't doubt that considering how the ED goes. It's always all or nothing with that. :/
I dunno I got this mindset that problem = solution. That makes sense and makes my life simpler :P Obviously, the trouble is when I can't seem to find a solution. I cannot stand uncertainty!! Argh!!! Even worse, ambivalence. It's ironic that the ED makes me just that...ambivalent. i figure I should be able to do xx and yy should happen. So basically, make the commitment to get healthy and stop waffling back and forth on it. So why don't I do that? Why am I not able to make that decision and stick to it? In all my brilliance (note sarcasm) I've decided I must not want to get better. That seems like the logical answer in all my black and white thinking. That starts up a pretty little hate machine for myself though :(
Logically I know that things are not always as simple as I would like them to be. There is not always a logical solution. Not always a logical reason. Not always a guarantee. So I'm told, there's in between areas....gray areas. Well, I get it but I don't really GET it. I do not believe it is penetrating the cerebral cortex. :/ Surely I am missing something.