How is it going?

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
How is it going?
5
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 12:07pm

How are you doing?



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sat, 12-17-2011 - 7:07pm

I'm eating. Still hating myself immensely though. :(

How are ya doing?

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 12:10pm

I am back eating as well but just see myself getting fatter and fatter. DP says I should think of it as getting healthier and healthier.

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 9:51pm

My bf says the same thing. I dunno why "healthy" means fat to me.


Truth is I don't think I want to look healthy. I wanna look sick cuz I certainly don't feel good at all.

I'm extremely depressed. Feeling rather hopeless. I have no treatment team at all now and I'm in no state to even look for any. I'm alone constantly and driving myself insane. I'm in b/p mode and I hate it. I dunno how to find that middle ground by myself. It's always all or nothing. I do not know how to change that way of thinking. My brain just does not grasp the concept of moderation. Never any gray areas. I just don't get it :/

I'm running out of options here. I dunno what to do...other than topping myself but I won't do that. Oh...wait...I guess I am...just slowly with this stupid ED.

I really really am hating myself and life in general :(

This time of year is the worst!!

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sun, 12-18-2011 - 9:56pm

I didn't mean that healthy is fat! I highly doubt you're fat!! I just don't want the ED to try and lie to you and make you think anyone is calling you fat.

You're trying to be better. You're doing the right thing and I'm sure your DP thinks your beautiful. That's cuz you are :)

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 1:13am

Hey Maryah,

I was having trouble replying.