I have clearly lost my mind :/

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
I have clearly lost my mind :/
12
Fri, 06-24-2011 - 12:48pm

I am so humiliated right now. I met with my therapist and it was absolutely horrible!! Totally flipped out and tried to put my head through the wall and wound up in a pile of tears. I really hate myself right now :( Then at the end she wanted to try and get me to have lunch with her and I flipped out again and cussed at her.

Seriously, I am going loco. I dunno if I can go back and face her again after that.

Photobucket

Pages

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Fri, 06-24-2011 - 3:17pm

Sweetie, you are not going loco and yes you will be able to face her again.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 06-24-2011 - 10:23pm

Well, I talked to my former therapist earlier. I miss her so much :(

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 06-25-2011 - 12:02pm

Hey Marayah,

you are one strong lady.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 06-27-2011 - 8:15pm

Well, met with my tdoc again. I told her what I thought about the situation. I think we agreed to disagree on the matter but whatev. It's alright because I'm not done yet. I don't care what she thinks I should or should not do. This is MY treatment and I'm gonna do it my way. I dunno what she's thinking. She's putting ED as the focus of our session and that is exactly what I had asked her not to do. I did that because I know ED is just a symptom. I know from personal experience how it is for me! I know that if we got to the core of the matter ED would ease up a bit. The more she pushes the more of a power struggle we have going on. We're getting nowhere fast with it too.

I'm so annoyed. I would change therapists but I'm not gonna. As much as she's aggravating me I still like her and there's nobody else at the center I think I could work with. Oddly, she does present a challenge to me but probably not in a way she would like :/ The more she works at my craw the more I wanna work at hers. Possibly not a good thing...but I'm aware.

I just vented out a huge journal entry and I'm gonna give it to her. I am working on stuff. She just don't realize it yet. She will soon enough.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 3:05pm

Hey Maryah,

I totally agree with you that ED is really just a symptom of a life situation for most of us.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Tue, 06-28-2011 - 8:36pm

I've actually been writing affirmations myself and sticking them around my roon. Sometimes it may be just a quote, a lyric or anything that's insightful. Gives me a lot to think about and something to work with.

I'm preparing for a colonoscopy tomorrow and i haven't even been able to have coffee today. Not feeling well :(

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 2:50pm

Hey Maryah,

I hope the colonoscopy goes OK.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Fri, 07-01-2011 - 9:56pm

Well, got a call from my therapist this morning. I put on a good show. I put on a smile, tried to see the blue sky, the green grass, ran down the positives.

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 07-02-2011 - 1:34pm
I am not sure if this is true but my therapist said ' if you can't make it, fake it'. It means we keep doing the affirmations, everytime we get a negative thought or feeling we mentally yell STOP! and immediately replace it with a positive emotion and/or affirmation. It takes time and persistence but it does help. Maryah you are too special person to keep battering yourself down this way. You keep me from going down too low and anyone who has that strength in them can beat this. You can beat this. Repeat after me " My name is Maryah and I am a worthwhile and beautiful person who is a gift in this world" Promise


iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 07-04-2011 - 9:36pm

Mine was lemon flavored and it was blech :P

Photobucket

Pages