Not in a good place

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Not in a good place
8
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 8:40am

I am not in a good place today. My stomach is burning to eat but all I can see is how fat I am. Why do we torture ourselves this way?

Love

Promise



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Mon, 01-09-2012 - 5:52pm

Sorry you're struggling :(

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Tue, 01-10-2012 - 11:08am

I think so much of the problems hinge on the fact that we feel we don't deserve good in our lives.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Wed, 01-11-2012 - 10:59pm

Overall I'm making progress because I do think I deserve much better. I didn't before but I do now. I think I'm just afraid I'm gonna mess everything up.

I'm so emotionally unstable though. That's what sets me back cuz I'll be great half the day and then its steady downhill from there. I go from optimistic and content to nearly suicidal in a matter of hours. I do not understand. I just keep blaming the food and my fat butt :/

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 3:34pm

Hey Maryah,

you do deserve better and I am sure happy to hear you are eating.

Our minds are powerful and can convince us all kinds of bad stuff,



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Thu, 01-12-2012 - 10:03pm

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 5:52am

Hey Maryah,

struggling here myself. Keep calling myself fat and stupid, and thinking not eating is the way to go. Like food causes all my problems.

I am still working on the self esteem but it is more and more a struggle. I don't feel I deserve to get better and yet I am desperate to kick ED out of my life.



iVillage Member
Registered: 09-06-2007
Sat, 01-14-2012 - 9:11pm

We really gotta learn to treat ourselves better. It takes so much energy for me to negate every rotten thought I have.

my bf must have the patience of a saint cuz he'll just negate it for me....over and over and over again. Really what he's doing is rewriting those bad tapes in my head. He tells me I'm not fat, I'm beautiful, etc. Everytime I get a negative thought I hear his voice in response lol. It's been effective :) For whatever reason, I'm receptive to him. I'm resistant with other ppl tho.

I still have intrusive thoughts tho. I wanna die. I hate my life. He'd be better off without me...:(

Photobucket
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-20-2009
Sun, 01-15-2012 - 12:52pm

I am blessed with my DP as well. He drives me crazy but mostly he is good.

I read this recently: Failure may be failure but it soesn't make us of less value as a person. It's my new mantra.

Baby steps