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iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2014
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8
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 9:46pm
Avatar for sabrtooth
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-03-1999
Thu, 06-26-2014 - 11:08pm

You ARE depressed and obsessing.  You are also fantasizing.  None of what you are obsessing and fantasizing about, have the slightest grounding in reality.  And they have NOTHING to do with your present situaation.  I suggest you get into counseling ASAP.

iVillage Member
Registered: 06-26-2014
Fri, 06-27-2014 - 1:20am
Thanks for replying although your response is a little harsh. I don't agree that I'm depressed and obviously you can't diagnose and make assumptions through a message. I am bored as I am not working yet, as I said I never thought like this in the last few years when I have been busy. I think I use fantasies to escape reality when I'm bored which isn't a good habit ... Don't feel I need counselling though
Community Leader
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: happy.pants
Sun, 06-29-2014 - 4:00pm
what was your original post? it looks like it was deleted. if you are bored then maybe you can use your time and mental energy on a hobby or learning something new - you know what they say about an idle mind being the devil's playground!
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-11-2012
In reply to: owaitress
Mon, 06-30-2014 - 10:44am

I personally think counseling has become a scam. It's everyone's first suggestion and it doesn't work. I don't know of a single person in real life who has ever really been helped by counseling.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2014
In reply to: sami20s
Tue, 07-01-2014 - 2:20pm

Hi I'm the original poster of the question but forgot my password and couldnt seem to reset it so created this new username. My question was to do with regrets. Basically it was always a dream of mine to attend a prestigious university and I had the grades at school to do so. but in college unfortunately I did not achieve my potential as my dad was sectioned and I told no one. I also had awful friends, really bad acne and I was from a poor back ground and everyone at my college was wealthy. I was bullied for these reasons and truanted. Also I didn't really have anyone to talk to and wasn't looking at the bigger picture. I got average grades (could have improved then but didn't want to remain at college) anyway I went to an average university which I ended up failing at in my first year because I realised I'd made a mistake and didn't want to be there. But I persevered and graduated. Fortunately for me I made nice friends and got accepted into a great university to do my masters degree. I have just finished and am looking for a job. In the three weeks or so since I've finished I can't help but recalk my past mistakes. Sorry this is so long I guess my question is how do you deal with regrets???

also I occasionally fantasise about how if I had done x,y,z how my life would have been different which isn't helpful. I don't see the point of seeing a counsellor either as I'm being quite logical I just wish it was easier to live with an imperfect pastI suppose I'm a perfectionist. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-01-2014
In reply to: sami20s
Tue, 07-01-2014 - 2:21pm
Hi I have added a detailed response below. Thank you for posting a comment
Community Leader
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: happy.pants
Sat, 07-05-2014 - 7:19pm
got it. no, you don't need counseling. i think everybody wonders 'what may have been' at some point in their lives. one of my dad's favorite sayings regarding regrets is 'you made the best decision you could with the information you had at the time' and i think he's absolutely right. that's why hindsight is always 20/20 - you know more now than you did back then. i think you have to keep looking forward and forget about the past. i know it's really tough!
Community Leader
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: happy.pants
Sun, 07-06-2014 - 1:02pm
ran out of time yesterday but just wanted to share my own 'regret' story. i finished my master's in 2002, right after the economy tanked and there were no jobs. i beat myself up for two years about wasting time/money on grad school, how it was a mistake, etc. my degree is in acoustics (the physics of sound), and my original plan was that i would get a job as an acoustical engineer somewhere, but the lousy job market indicated otherwise. however, for my research i had to do a ton of technical writing, which i absolutely LOVED, but i had no idea that people actually did that as a career. when the engineer idea didn't work out as planned i had to think of something else...and it turned out that one of the engineering companies i was interested in was looking for a technical writer! so, 3 years after graduating i found a job that fit, and that never would've happened had i not gone to grad school in the first place (i've been a technical writer now for 10 years and have never looked back). i guess my advice to you is to try and reframe what you're calling 'mistakes' into something neutral, like 'choices'. also, try thinking about the good things that have resulted from your choices. you mentioned that you've made nice friends; what else? did you have good experiences in grad school? did you learn some things there that you never would've learned elsewhere? ultimately, it's about turning regret into acceptance, i.e. making peace with the things you can't change, so thinking positively about the past is one way to get there :)