Fear to Talk

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
Fear to Talk
5
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 10:04am

I know thismay sound  like childies but it is true. Although i'm in my mid 30's i'm still having fear to talk in a big group. I'm still having fear to fight back with someone who did wrong. I'm a silent person & although i'm a male, but when i look at female who can talk bravely, I'm embarrassed with myself. I'm also not a romantic person. I have been communicating in a straight forward method with everyone just like a recording machine. I'm unable to convince anyone with my talking skill.

I would like to throw out this fear & talk bravely with anyone but i do not know how to get start it. I hope anyone can help me on my problem.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
In reply to: muthup
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 11:08am

Maybe you should try going to a therapist to see what is going on?  Maybe you have some kind of anxiety disorder that hasn't been diagnosed.  A lot of people are afraid of speaking in public.  My son is very smart--he's in 11th grade and now his school has this thing where in every subject they want the kids to do oral reports, usually in groups--he really hates it.  he says that he gets nervous and shakes every time he has to do it, even though he knows the material.  I think with public speaking, the way to get over it is to keep doing it--if you have to do it for business, rehearse a lot, make notes if you have to and just keep practicing.  I'm a lawyer and the first times I had to go to court, I would actually get sick--now it doesn't bother me at all.

If you feel that you are having trouble relating to people as friends, then again I think therapy would help.  Before you start worrying about romantic things, you should feel comfortable with having women as friends and be able to carry on a conversatoin with them.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: muthup
Mon, 03-04-2013 - 10:33am
do you have to do a lot of public speaking for work, or is this just a skill that you'd like to work on?
Community Leader
Registered: 12-21-2001
In reply to: muthup
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 12:26am

 

Namaste!

The fingers need to do a little research first.

A. http://www.toastmasters.org/

B. Check your community.  You should research colleges and schools for any after hours or Saturday Continuing Education classes or public speaking projects. There may also be information through your City's Park and Recreation or YMCA.

C. Research public speaking in your browser. (Try to use more than one search engine).

D. Investigate in whatever order you are most comfortable in.

What you have described is actually a pretty normal state for the shy and introverts. The movements and paces of 21st century communication now make this rather normal state almost abnormal meaningful effective communicating hard. Remember:  What, when and how you say; makes what when and how you say it that counts!  Unless trying to convince people is part of your job or a necessity to your life. Stop it. Stop being embarrassed too.  I’m not sure I’ve heard one hundred words, in all my years, from one of my uncles - father’s eldest brother. He’s intelligent, well employed, yet he just doesn’t talk to people until he absolutely has no other alternative. On the other hand I’ve an aunt who grandmother said learned to talk at an early age and is quite when she sleeps but if you hang around long enough she’ll even talk to you then.

I am prone to anxiety attacks in large groups and can spend days in silence.  This has helped me in many ways understand where people with a fear of public speaking are coming from.  I’ve taught Public Speaking and Communication Arts to adults, young adults and English as Second Language students very successfully.

mlk

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iVillage Member
Registered: 11-08-2004
In reply to: muthup
Tue, 03-05-2013 - 9:06am

I don't have much public speaking works but this is a skill that i want to develop. Because of my talking skills, i'm not so socialable with others & i do  not have many friends. I'm afraid i will be left behind because of this. That's why i would like to develop my talking skill.

I'm also having fear or anxiety to  speak openly especially for the negative things. I have been keeping the negative feeling in my heart. I'm not be able to shout with the person who make me angry. I do not want to be depressed because of this. All these are the main reasons why i would like to improve my talking skills & be brave with others.  

Community Leader
Registered: 01-04-2004
In reply to: muthup
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 9:00am
you don't have to shout at someone when you're angry. personally, i'd rather an angry person express themselves calmly to me. there are different ways of getting your point across. i have an idea - do you keep a journal? if not, maybe you can start one. use it for writing down your thoughts as they pop into your head (streams of consciousness), especially when you are feeling strong emotions like anger, joy, etc. then you can see how your brain processes your feelings; do you know what i mean? as you practice with this then you'll become more familiar with your emotional style and how you react in certain situations, and this should help you to become comfortable with your emotions, which is a big part in communicating with other people because you want to be comfortable enough to express yourself. so when you are mad, write it down. when you are stressed out, write it down. when you are overjoyed, write it down. does that make sense?