Hello there... new to this.

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anonymous user
Registered: 12-31-1969
Hello there... new to this.
Sat, 09-22-2012 - 5:11pm

:cathappy: Hi there, my name is Martha. I am new to ivillage and of course, these forums. 

I just left my husband of 12 years on 8/8 because any time I tried to do anything my ideas, likes, thoughts were always shot down. He'd critisize me, tell me I wasn't good enough, call me names, even went as far as to control me for 12 years not letting me go places, see people, or have friends. Even limited me from going to the doctor... which on 8/20 I had a massive heart attack. My main artery was 100% blocked. I had a stent put in.

I am wanting a divorce. It is hard for me because I am an only child and I have had  to move in with my parents (which is 4 hours away from my soon to be ex). My mom busts her butt working everyday as a merchandiser for a flower farm that puts plants in Home Depots. My dad is a retired electrician (vietnam vet) who has LOTS of health issues too. 

I am 34 and my whole world is turned upside down. The doctors tell me I still have blockages of 60%, 50%, and 40% but they think the pills they have me on will take care of it in time.

I am stressed and scared... and my esteem for myself is at an all time low.


Well, that's my story. Thanks for listening.

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-26-2012
Wed, 09-26-2012 - 10:01am

Hi Martha, I am new to this too! Wow, I can't imagine a heart attack at 34.  I am also 34.  Kudos to you for reaching out!  That is a great first step.  During this time you'll want to surround yourself with great 'reference points!' Reference points can be anything from influencial people to mentors to books.  Telesummits are fantastic support.  'Healing with the Masters' hosted by Jennifer McLean is a really big one happening right now and it FREE. You can google Healing with the Masters.

If you are a spiritual person, Neal Donald Walsch who is the author of "Conversations with God' did a really awesome teleseminar that I have listened to several times.  He talks about how our higher-self calls into action these 'problems' and 'conflicts' in our lives so that we can grow and expand into who we really are.  He explains that it's all perfect.  It's not that abuse should be tolerated AT ALL, but he explains (I am paraphrasing a little):  This is occurring perfectly so that you (I/we) might announce and declare who you really are and part of who you are, loves yourself.   You now have an opportunity to demonstrate your love of self and ask the question: what would love do now? Love for yourself and love for the other?  This is a really complex statement which is better delivered by Neal himself.  I am happy to email the recording if you would like.

One more helpful resource is the documentary on happiness called 'Happy.'  You can find it on Netflix. There is a Ph.D interviewed that talks about the Central Nervous System being a 'differential engine.'  'We can't have pleasure without pain.' We were designed to integrate and differentiate information.

I hope this is helpful.  Self-esteem is really fascinating and you might be surprised by how it's formed and it's purpose.  I'm happy to share more, but I've given you a lot to digest already.  I encourage you to continue asking questions from a place of curiosity and don't underestimate the mind-body connection.  Your heart is telling you something. You already know what you may or may not acknowledge that you aready know! :smileyhappy:

Warm wishes on your journey! 

Most Sincerely,


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 11:53am

Congratulations on your first step to improving your self-esteem. And good luck with the divorce proceedings.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 09-24-2012 - 8:02am

hey, martha; it's nice to meet you! wow, a heart attack at 34 - that is really scary. does heart disease run in your family?

good for you for leaving your husband; it sounds like he is emotionally abusive. was he always like that, or did something happen to him to make him feel insecure? i know that you are stressed and scared right now, but i think you're moving in the right direction. a lot of people don't have the guts to leave an abuser. just FYI, there's also a domestic abuse board here http://forums.ivillage.com/t5/Recognizing-Dealing-with/ct-p/iv-rldomesting that might have some good resources for you.

so, do you work? if not, what do you do with your time?