I have no confidence

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-18-2013
I have no confidence
3
Mon, 02-18-2013 - 10:42am

I have no confidence in myself. I feel like I'm boring, stupid, ugly, and awkward. I have been at the same job which I don't like for years and I finally got the nerve to apply for something new and now that I have an interview scheduled I have almost talked myself into not going because I probably won't get the job anyways. I don't know how to get past this. I really need some advice.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Fri, 03-01-2013 - 11:17am

I agree that negative thoughts are a self-fulfilling prophecy.  If you go to a job interview with an attitude that you are too stupid to get the job & they probably won't hire you, that will come across in the way you project yourself with no confidence and they won't hire you.  Not that it's a guarantee that you will get hired--I am looking for a new job.  I recently got a few job interviews and I didn't get hired but I look at it in a positive way.  I was told that out of maybe 100 people who applied for the job they only picked 25 to interview so at least I am in contention--these were jobs that I know I could do a good job on too.  But you just have to carry on--you can't make it that you were terrible.  You have to realize that there are probably a lot of qualified people who are applying for jobs and they can only pick one.  You can't be that stupid if you have been able to hold onto the same job for years--if you were terrible you would have been fired by now.  so think about it--what have you learned on this job?  What are your good qualities that you can emphasize--even if it's things that you think are small, like you are always on time, you don't take a lot of sick days, you are nice to customers, etc. 

Besides, if you think these negative things about yourself--what can you do to improve yourself?  if you think you are stupid, what are you doing about it?  Do you just sit around doing nothing or do you read books?  Have you taken classes, if not in college, then how about training in new things, like learning some computer system?  You could always start out in adult education or taking a class at the local college that is non credit, then you wouldn't have the pressure of grades.  if you think you are ugly, well let's face it, not everyone, in fact most people do not look like models.  I know there are things about myself that I'd like to change, but everybody can make the best of their features.  You know Adele is overweight and in the entertainment industry there's so much pressure to be thin, but she has this great attitude like this is who I am, who cares?  so she gets clothes that look good on her, she does her hair & makeup & she looks great.  Do you buy decent looking clothes or just horrible looking things?  Do you have a nice hairstyle, makeup--can you get some friends to help you out?  Everybody should go out looking their best even if they aren't the most attractive person.  It will give you more self confidence.

Community Leader
Registered: 01-04-2004
Fri, 02-22-2013 - 8:12am
i like n2's suggestion about reframing your thoughts, but i'm more analytical and tend to take a 'journalistic' approach to things like this. so i would ask myself, why do i think i'm boring? how do i think i'm boring? has anybody actually called me boring? what other evidence do i have to support the belief that i'm boring? and so on for the other things that you listed (stupid, ugly, awkward, etc.). it helps if you write it down in a journal, too, because actually seeing your thoughts on paper gives you a lot of perspective, and you will see that what you've been believing about yourself might not really be accurate. confidence isn't about being perfect (nobody is!); it's knowing that you can and will try your best. nothing more, nothing less. so you go in to the interview and share your work experience with them and see if the job would be a good fit for you. sometimes if i am not sure that i'm what the company is looking for then i will ask a lot of questions about the job to see if i'd really want the job/want to work at the company. a lot of times the answer turns out to be 'probably not'. but it's a learning experience, even if i decide that i'm not interested after all. maybe that will help (: good luck!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Mon, 02-18-2013 - 11:38pm

You might want to try re-framing once in a while.  Like this:  What is the worst that could happen if I go to the interview?  Not get the job?  Don't have it now anyway.  If not this one, then maybe the next.

Also the more you keep telling yourself that you are "boring, stupid, ugly and awkward", the more you will believe it.   The words we speak to ourselves become thoughts.  The thoughts become beliefs, and the beliefs become our truths.

Maybe re-frame with:  If I think I am boring, then I have the choice to change that.  I do not have to be boring.  This is in my control.

Repeat this with the other negative remarks. 

As for "ugly".  Let me just say that I think Kyra Sedgwick (Actress in The Closer) is so cute.  dh shakes his head and walks away saying she is so "scarey looking"....lol  Beauty truly is in the eye of the beholder.  Change your vision and focus on your good points. 

You don't have to have confidence, you just have to take a step.  The rest of you will follow.