need help with extremely low self-esteem

iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
need help with extremely low self-esteem
7
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 10:14am

Hi,

I have been dealing with an extremely negataive self-esteem/self-image for as long as I can remember. I have a great husband, but it's not enough to make me "okay."

I am constantly comparing myself to other girls.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2005
Sun, 02-13-2011 - 10:52am

Hi destiny

I saw your post and felt the urge to respond - I'm not a normal poster on this board.

I also suffer from low self esteem, and depression, I have tried to "fix" the self esteem on my own, but to no avail.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 7:45am
i sure do. insecurity comes from fear, so figure out what exactly you're afraid of: abandonment? something else? until you face your fear, it will continue to have power over you.

welcome to the board, by the way!
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 02-14-2011 - 7:49am
welcome to the board, katka, and thanks for responding. i hope you will post here more often, even if it's not on a normal basis :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 02-15-2011 - 9:24am
hi, again. i was thinking about your post yesterday and it reminded me of something. when i was dating my first serious boyfriend (i was 19 or 20), i believed that i wasn't good enough for him and that he was going to find someone "better". i was really insecure about it and no amount of reassurance from him could convince me otherwise. i remember how i'd see other girls, in person or on TV, and think, "why is he with me when he could be with someone like that?" etc. etc. but the truth was - and it took me years to figure it out - he was with me because i WAS me, and not like any of those other girls. i was - and am - special and unique (as corny as it sounds), and i should've been proud of that instead of wishing i were someone else. so, let me ask you now - what are some things that make you, you? what is different or unique or special about you?
iVillage Member
Registered: 09-19-2004
Fri, 02-18-2011 - 11:26pm

Hi and thanks for replying...

I know that there are books out there. I just don't make time for myself to actually sit down and read them. I heard about self-hypnosis, so I bought a couple of CDs but I never get to listen to them. The few times I tried to listen to them, I fell asleep because I'm so tired. I wish I could make time for myself, but that's just not realistic. I'm always too focused on what needs to be done around the house, what errands I have to do, where I have to drive the kids, etc. Setting time aside is much easier said than done. Same thing with getting back to your reply. It took me forever! I pressure myself to do so much that I often feel like I can't get anything done.

As far as my fears...I don't know exactly what they are. I just see a pretty girl and I feel like hiding under a rock. When I look in the mirror, I see wrinkles (I'm only in my early 30's but I already have them). I see too many imperfections. I've had a problem with my hair thinning for 3 years now. I've seen many, many doctors and no one can help me. So, I see thin hair and I just want to cry. This has been so devastating that it has actually made me depressed. My self-esteem was low before, but it's even worse now. I

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 02-23-2011 - 9:56am
what would happen if you set aside 30 minutes for yourself each day and everything that you pressure yourself to do didn't get done? would the world fall apart?

when you were a kid or teenager, did someone call you ugly or make fun of your appearance? sometimes that can carry over into adulthood. people used to call me fat, and for the longest time i thought i was, but then i realized that i'm not fat and they were just being stupid. maybe looks are an issue for you for a similar reason.

i'm 34 and i have wrinkles, and my husband is 29 and he has wrinkles, too. i'm sure your husband also has them. everybody gets them as they get older, and it looks weird if older people don't have them (look at cher, for example). sunscreen is the best protectant for your skin, so make sure that you are wearing one on your face that offers broad-spectrum (UVA and UVB) protection.

a lot of times, thinning hair is caused by stress or not enough protein/omega-3 fatty acids in your diet. so, before you visit another doctor, first make sure that you are getting enough protein and omega-3s. as far as stress - you probably are doing too much, and it's showing up in your body. try to set aside 30 minutes a day just for yourself (and, yes, you CAN do that). you owe it to yourself to do this.

humans look at other humans - it's in our nature. it doesn't mean anything; it's like going to an art museum and admiring a beautiful painting. and don't you ever look at other guys?

as far as communication w/your husband goes, do you ever tell him that he looks nice or that you appreciate something that he's done? if you compliment him more, maybe he'll compliment you more. spouses aren't mind readers, but they can be trained :) of course you deserve to hear that you're beautiful, but remember that it goes both ways.

our hockey games have the ice girls, too. i'm not sure how i feel about it, but i'm glad that there aren't cheerleaders (i think that's just stupid). there are some really cute hockey players - can't you focus on them? (that's what i do - my husband laughs at me for it.)

i think you are normal. looks are a big thing in our culture, so much so that people have become really superficial about it. look at all of the plastic surgery and cosmetics and everything. you have to learn how to look beneath the surface. you're going to be alive for 50 or 60 more years, and your body is going to age, and there's not a lot you can do about it other than taking care of yourself (wearing sunscreen, eating a healthy diet, managing stress, etc.). have you ever considered yoga? it can be good for anxiety, and it can also show you how to shift your focus away from looks. i know you are busy, but there is a really good book called 'yoga from the inside out' by christine something-or-other; the author had a lot of issues, including eating disorders, and she learned how to manage them with yoga (it's not a cure-all, but the techniques are definitely helpful). i read it a while ago and it helped me start to think differently.

try to slow down and really think about your thoughts; figure out where they are coming from and if they are truly your thoughts or just someone else's voice in your head. that would be the first thing that i would do.





iVillage Member
Registered: 01-06-2012
Fri, 01-06-2012 - 12:10pm

I, too, have never posted to any site.