no self esteem

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2008
no self esteem
4
Mon, 04-04-2011 - 10:11pm

I cant let anyone love me because I dont think I am good enough.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 7:46am
hey, destitute, welcome to the board. if you don't mind my asking, what illnesses are you suffering from? also, when you were younger, were you around people who didn't like themselves very much?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-06-2008
Tue, 04-05-2011 - 8:14pm
I have interstitial cystitis, ibs, fibromylagia, chronic fatigue syndrome. Recently having trouble with my heart rate and thyroid. All my life i feel like i have been on the outside looking in. I went to schools all of my life where the majority of people were outside of my race and very affluent. I didnt fit in with them. I didnt fit in with the people of my own race. I played roles. I learned to hide parts of myself. I have always felt like the things i like (things as mundane as the type of music I like) set me apart from others especially my family. I suffer from depression and (somewhat founded and unfounded) I feel like this isnt accepted in my family. Being in counseling and on antidepressant is not totally accepted. I have been made to feel like I'm too sensitive and should just get over it. Feelings and showing emotion are non-existent and looked down upon. I dont open up to people because I dont think they will like me. I have spent my life hiding and I dont want to anymore.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 04-06-2011 - 8:36am
thanks for replying. i hear ya on the hiding part - i've been doing that for most of my life, too. i'm glad that you don't want to anymore. it's hard for anyone to open up at first, but it gets easier with practice.

are you still in school? i didn't feel like i fit in at school, either, and i sort of wonder if all smart people feel that way (because i'm starting to realize that those who seemed to fit in were probably clueless). it's easy to get stuck in a way of thinking, though, and you might have to slowly start to disengage yourself from the "i don't fit in" mentality, because you're not really giving yourself a chance if you exclude yourself before anyone else can.

everybody has their own interests - that's what makes each of us unique. you have the freedom to like whatever you like, and if someone else has a problem with that then there's nothing you can do about it. i used to be embarrassed about the type of music that i like, but if i really like it then there's nothing wrong with that. the wrong part is if you or i pretend to like what everybody else likes, because then we're lying to ourselves.

has your family ever outright told you that depression/counseling/medication isn't acceptable? i'm starting to think that those of us who can't accept mental health issues would benefit the most from counseling. everyone has issues at some point in their life, whether it's stress, anxiety, depression, etc., and learning how to deal with it is so beneficial. do you know if any of your relatives, living or not, have or had depression? maybe there was a stigma attached and that is why it doesn't seem to be accepted. my dad's grandma had severe depression, and my dad's family is still hush-hush about it. i give you a lot of credit for being in counseling; it's the #1 way for dealing with depression (a lot of people are afraid to get help, again because of that stigma). if your family can't or won't accept it, then that's their problem. you can't make someone accept something; all you can do is what's best for you, and that's exactly what you're doing. so, keep it up :)

i didn't know what interstitial cystitis was, so i looked it up, and i read that in women it is often accompanied by IBS and fibromyalgia. i know that's probably not helpful or new to you, but maybe there is a link somehow? i was also wondering if stress/depression could play a part - i know that stress aggrevates IBS, and it could be related to your heart-rate troubles, too.
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-01-2009
Wed, 04-20-2011 - 7:51pm
Your post caught my eye or got my attention because I am the same exact way. I hate everything about me too, I dont like the way I look, dress, or even my weight. I wakeup every day thinking to myself that I wont ever make new friends since I moved from my hometown or city or that no man will ever find me attractive enough to marry. The best thing that I can recommend is find something that you enjoy doing, try support groups in your area, self help books, or even try finding a counselor. You are not alone and if you ever need help, I'm here to listen. hope this helps.