No "self-esteem" at all
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|Tue, 03-15-2011 - 1:00am|
All my life, I have been told that only narcissists have any self-esteem, that SE is unattractive, especially in women. The men in my life (as in father figures) both told me that the only time they find a woman attractive is when she has no self-esteem, that a woman having self-esteem is a turn-off because she seems cocky/narcissistic/full of herself. I've been told that I'm stupid, ugly, and have always believed that. I thought I found someone a while back who thought otherwise, but then I heard them talking to other friends when I "wasn't there" (I was, they just didn't realize it).
So now, I'm 29, have zero "self esteem", and honestly can't STAND getting compliments, because I feel like I'm being lied to. I've tried being grateful, or at least acting like it, but instead of building me up, compliments bring me down even more. Even around others, hearing them talk about themselves, it really bothers me and makes me not want to associate with or be around them in any way. In my mind, it makes them seem like they're full of themselves.
What's wrong with me? Is this a problem? If so, how do I fix it?