Not sure if my post should be here....

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-02-2005
Not sure if my post should be here....
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 5:41am

I'm not sure if I should be posting here, the domestic abuse board is no longer around. I've been divorced for around 5 years now from my abusive ex. It ended when I found out about the gf he wouldn't admit to, then told me to get out. Now for the most part, things have been looking up, I got conseling, took pills for a while and it really helped get past my dark days. Every once in a while, a random bad memory will surface, or a song will come on that will bring my day down but I bounce back pretty quick. But within the last few weeks, my mind has been reliving some things I would rather forget. Then I get the news that the ex and his gf are moving to another state. Now, I'm glad they are moving because I have less of a chance of running to him or her (we still have many mutual friends). What brings me down about it is that I really expected him to fall on his face by now and I feel like that's all I've been doing. Why is he happy and I'm miserable, why does he have someone who loves him and I still don't? Then I start to hear his toxic words in my head, things that I've tried to forget and try to believe aren't true. And it's not working anymore, not like it used to. Then today I was watching Shania Twain on Oprah and there was something she said that brought me to tears in an instant. I can't remember what her exact words were but it just struck a major cord in me. Then after that I went to work and the song "Because of You" by Kelly Clarkson comes on. It would be easier just to change the station but I don't because that song used to remind me why the ex was no good to begin with.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 9:25am
hey, welcome to the board. of course you are posting in the right place! i think the domestic abuse board is still around; i remember seeing it under "crisis resources".

what you are feeling is totally normal. it always takes longer than you think it will to get over someone if you were really emotionally invested in the relationship. i know your mind wants to forget about him but your heart can't (you loved him at one point, and your heart still wants to hold on to that). one strategy you could try is writing your ex a letter, then shredding or burning it afterward. you do that as many times as you need to to feel better.

in the meantime, what sorts of things are you doing for you? are you making sure that you're eating right and getting enough sleep and moderate exercise? also, do you have any hobbies/interests that you can make time for? what about going to church/synagogue? (even if you're not religious, it's good for socializing.)

things WILL look up eventually; it just might take longer than you'd expected. please don't feel sorry for yourself - you went through a rough time and you're still going to stumble sometimes, even years from now.
Avatar for cmkarla
Registered: 01-03-2001
Wed, 05-04-2011 - 1:37pm
Hi and Welcome! We are so glad to have you join us here. YOu are certtainly in a great place here. I did want to let you know that the Domestic Abuse board is still here and you can find it here: