Self-Esteem Issues

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2011
Self-Esteem Issues
6
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 2:10pm

I have bad self-esteem issues like you would not believe... I find myself 90% of the time thinking that I am too ugly, too dumb, too damaged, too this or that. I can't afford a therapist, my husband and mother are part of the problem, and I've grown apart from all of my friends since having children. I am jealous/ threatened by every other woman on the planet. My husband thinks I'm crazy and he has about had it with my issues. I'm not sure if I have a mental health disorder, or just bad experiences with men.

Do other women feel this way? Do other women get bothered to the point of tears when their husbands go out of town with their buddy and take pictures at "car girls" at a race? I feel so disrespected and so hurt all of the time. ALL of the time.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2011
Sun, 08-28-2011 - 4:55pm

You are not alone. I can only speak for myself, but I will say that it was almost like I wrote your post myself. I think the same way you do. I had periods of my childhood when I was both thin...and overweight and I can testify that first of all...people treat you differently when you are thin, there is no doubt about that. Right now I am about 30 pounds overweight. I am pretty active, I even teach Yoga, but the truth is I can't lose the weight. I refuse to starve myself, but that is a whole other conversation. Due to my weight issues, I, like you, can't stand to see other women that are thin. I had a coworker who was about 90 pounds and it disturbed for me about 2 years that she worked with me. I found it so disheartening that I am overweight and I don't feel good about myself. I wish I had the answers....I think making the most of your own looks, trying to eat right and get in shape is the only thing that even remotely works. Then from there things improve with jealousy issues. Personally I always been inclinded to jealousy, but feeling and looking my best always relieved those feelings a bit....not entirely, but a bit. I have gotten to a point in my life as well where I am no longer able to function like this..the jealousy, anger, resentment I feel is just ruining my life. I have to make some changes, I'm not sure what or how to do this though. Sounds like we both need help to get through this.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 10:48am

hi, cakemomma, welcome to the board. i like your screen name - are you a baker? it sounds like you know how your troubles started; maybe the best thing to do would be to address the source. even though it wasn't fair to you at all, it's understandable that your first boyfriend grieved for his mom the way he did - i know a lot of people who have freaked out when they lost a loved one (and it seems like it's worse when it's a suicide because there aren't any answers). what he did and the way he acted had nothing to do with you. he was trying to deal with a difficult situation in the best way that he knew how (and he was a teenager!). something that i like to do to help me get over a "bad" ex is write them a letter of forgiveness: "dear so-and-so, you hurt me because of X, Y and Z, but i forgive you because i want to move on with my life", as an example (there are tons of other samples online; you can google it). then i shred or burn the letter (don't send it!). it makes me feel a whole lot better. self-esteem issues are almost always rooted in the past, so if you can dig up the cause and deal with

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 08-29-2011 - 10:50am
welcome, jennifer! i just have one question- why does your weight matter so much?
iVillage Member
Registered: 08-28-2011
Tue, 08-30-2011 - 9:02pm

Thanks for welcoming me. Weight is to me probably the first thing people notice about your looks. I was teased a lot when I was growing up because of my weight, so I think it cemented in my head how poorly people looked down on me when I was heavier. When I lost weight I got nothing but compliments...which reinforced to me that "thinner is better"...or so that is what I learned from past experiences. I have always tried

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 08-31-2011 - 9:46am
who teased you? people called me fat all the time, and my mom had issues with her own weight, so i was super-sensitive about it, too. i didn't realize until i was older that i was actually just fine and that teenagers are cruel. i don't think the number on the scale matters as much as how strong you are. one of my cousins is maybe 5'5" but she weighs less than 110 pounds (of which she is immensely proud); however, she barely has the strength to carry her own groceries. maybe you could try shifting your focus a little; think about getting stronger instead of keeping your weight down (and muscle weighs more than fat, anyway). think about what your body is capable of; try learning some new yoga poses that require strength and balance. yes, our society is preoccupied with weight, but isn't that kind of shallow? you're better than that :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-26-2010
Mon, 09-05-2011 - 9:18pm

Hi,

I feel your pain.

Live life fully, fabulously and on fire! Kassandra Bibas http://notbuilttobebroken.blogspot.com