Self-esteem in self-destruct mode after breakup

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2012
Self-esteem in self-destruct mode after breakup
11
Tue, 04-03-2012 - 9:11am

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iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006

hey, emmajayne, it's nice to meet you and sorry to hear about your breakup. do you feel hopeless, inferior and unworthy because of that, or because of something else?

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2012

Hi, Happy Pants.

Thanks for getting in touch. I have a long history of feeling inadequate and like a failure.. and as I get older and continue to have the kind of romantic and social life I want, the worse I feel.

A couple of years ago, I got involved with a friend who hurt me very, very badly, and made me feel worthless. All of this came several years after finding my last boyfriend dead after suffering a massive epileptic fit - something for which I also felt guilty and responsible for. I know full well that 33 is not old, but I spent so long recovering from my bereavement and then the fall out with a friend that I felt 'out of society' for nearly 6 years. The relationship that just ended was right to end - but I can't get passed thinking it's all my fault and that no one will EVER, EVER want me.

Does any of that make sense?

X

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2012

Also, sorry, I tend to babble when I'm in a low place.

Community Leader
Registered: 12-21-2001
Wed, 04-04-2012 - 11:01am

Greetings and Welcome Emma!

You said you feel the spiral beginning, you've recognized it you know the pattern followed.

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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2012

Hi

It's a picture of raspberries on finger tips. I absolutely take on board on you advice and agree with all of your points, but I just can't seem to make it happen. I woke up today feeling utterly hopeless, the feeling I get right before I hit my bottom point. When I feel ilke this I just want someone to put me in a hospital bed and drug me so I don't have to deal with the world. I hate that break-up feels like the end of the world, when I know full well people all over the world are going through much more horrible experiences. I've been through much worse experiences...And so the cycle of feeling bad about feeling bad continues.....

I know I'm not a bad person, but I feel like a bad person. And so on, and so on.... It's just so utterly consuming.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
hey, you know what? you have the right to feel bad - you're going through a breakup. it IS the end....not the end of the world, but the end of a chapter in your life. you SHOULD be sad for a while. can you allow yourself to be sad?
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-02-2012

Thanks, Happy Pants. You're absolutely right. I do have a right to feel sad! Sometimes, it's amazing to think, but having depression convinces you you shouldn't ever feel sad - and that being sad isn't ever normal. I am definitely going to try and let myself feel a little bad. Thank you! XX

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
cool, you're welcome. let us know how you're doing!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 12:21pm

Oh, honey you are not alone.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-23-2008
Fri, 04-20-2012 - 12:29pm

Some of us don't have the coping skills that we should have.

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