Tired of being shy and having lack of confidence.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005
Tired of being shy and having lack of confidence.
5
Wed, 10-12-2011 - 6:35pm

How can I become more confident and not care what others think about me? I have always been shy but its getting ridiculous that I feel like I can't even be myself. I turn beat red at any sign of attention and its frustrating. I'm a sophmore in college and everytime I do a class presentation I shake like a leaf and my voice cracks so horribly. My last presentation was the worst I almost started crying and had to apologize to the class. It's not only that, but I have a hard time talking with people. I can't make conversation and in fact avoid talking to people because I don't know how to keep a conversation going or think I'll say something stupid so I just don't talk. The only person I feel completely myself around is my fiance. No matter how I am..stupid, silly, cranky, whatever..he doesn't judge me and loves me for me. I feel and see that...and feel safest to say and be who I am around him the most. I guess I am always afraid of being judged and just want to be accepted by everyone. I try not to judge people and always try to accept people for who they are no matter what. I have always been the shy, quiet, "goody goody" and I feel like I can't even talk to my family sometimes because what if I say something I feel and they don't like or expect it from me. I want to learn how to be more social...how to be myself around everyone..and not worry about what others think. I want to be more confident and sociable.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
i'll tell you what works for me, and you can decide if it's something you want to think about. number one, there is absolutely no way that "everyone" will like you. you don't like everyone that you meet, so how can the reverse be true? it's just logic :) number two, forget about the "everyone" idea. i know that a lot of people who have a fear of judgement were criticized by their parents, and when you're little your parents ARE "everyone", so somehow, in adulthood, that translates to "everyone you know." but i can promise you that the only people who would judge others actually have their own insecurity issues, and they're just taking them out on other people.

to boost your self-esteem, you need to do things that you enjoy, things that you value and make you feel good about yourself (ideally, you should do one thing each day, even if it's only for a few minutes). do you have any hobbies or interests?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005

Thank you so much for responding. Yeah, I know that not everyone is going to like me, just as I can't like everyone either and I guess I have been criticized and was made fun of when I was little and that could have caused my insecurities and reason for being so shy. I just need to get over that. The other day my fiance and I were at a friend of his BBQ and I just sit there not knowing what to say to people and it is so uncomfortable for me. And I am sure they must think I am so antisocial or not wanting to be there since I just sit there, and it bothers me. I want to socialize, I just find it hard to talk to people.

As far as hobbies, I love photography and use to love to make scrapbook albums in which I haven't done in years. I still take pictures but not as much as I use to. I also like to read and do yoga but really haven't given either any time lately. I need to get back into doing the things I love and I am sure that will boost my self-esteem. I guess what is really the most difficult to overcome is the shyness.

Thank you again for responding! It really means a lot to me that you took the time to do so = )

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
oh, you're welcome :) i get shy at parties, too, but i just tell myself that everybody gets that way sometimes and then i don't feel awkward and can just sit quietly and watch people (which i'd rather do than make small talk, anyway). do you think you're more extroverted or introverted?
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-28-2005

I guess I am more introverted since I am really not a talkative person and am kinda reserved.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
okay. i would say get back into the things you love to do; that will definitely help your self-esteem. maybe even take a hobby class or two - our craft stores always offer scrapbooking classes and i've found that's a great way to meet people and it's easier to talk to others when you know you have something in common with them. you don't have to think of things to say like you would at a party.

how do you do at work - do you keep to yourself? do you naturally like being around people, or do they sap your energy?

i sort of think shyness is mostly mental - if you tell yourself that you're shy, then you're going to act/feel that way. one way for me to get into an outgoing mood is to think of people i know (personally or celebrity, doesn't matter) who are outgoing and try to act like them. then i actually feel like i'm an outgoing person and it feels really good. of course, it's just an act, but the more you practice something the more familiar it becomes. just an idea.....