Whose money is it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
Whose money is it?
10
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 4:56pm

Hi I am new to this board, and I need some honest opinions.

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 12-11-2011 - 5:55pm

why not just ask your boyfriend to use the money for both of you? This way its not your or his but its yours and his together.

Or tell your boyfriend to give it to charity and this way it isnt his or yours..

I dont know your boyfriend or your situation .. Do you two get along??Do you have fights about money??? How long have you been together? Do you have the same values and goals?
If I were you I would let this go and not mention it again.. You have to pick your battles and this doesnt sound like a big deal. Its only 100 . Now if he were to win the lottery then what??

Good Luck

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 8:17am
i agree - the money is for both of you to use together. if the card were only addressed to your BF then he would be right. his attitude stinks :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 5:40pm

It's not just this event, there are so many more like it.....thank you for your feedback......it should have been assumed.

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
Mon, 12-12-2011 - 7:46pm
I'll answer that last question because it sums up the rest: if he bought the lottery ticket for me, he'd expect half in the least of the winnings....this wouldn't be a sharing kind of thing for things we both want. And, if I bought the ticket for him.....then he'd keep all the money.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Thu, 12-15-2011 - 9:23pm

is he only like this with money, or other things as well? how long have you guys been together?

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
Fri, 12-16-2011 - 10:43am
We have been together for almost two years. The first things I actually googled was taking the lion's share or best pieces of food. I am always cooking, and I am always alone with the clean-up. I have made him pies and he just loves them, and I hate to cook. I get joy and satisfaction seeing him eat every bite. I wanted to go to a holiday concert, and we did. But, I could tell he wanted to leave before we got there, and he tried to take the joy out it for me. I think there's something missing when nothing in returned even if it is so simple and cost free.....well, free unless you consider your time as part of the cost. Anything I plan turns out such that I wish I had never bothered. Don't you think something is missing here?
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 8:36am
i think an ideal relationship should be give-and-take. (but some people are naturally givers, and others are naturally takers, so they would be fine together.) most of us, though, like to give AND receive, so when one of those components is missing then we feel unbalanced. could be that your BF is a complete taker - but i sense that you're not a complete giver (or you wouldn't feel that something was missing). has he been like this from the beginning, or did he change? what about him do you find attractive, and do you think these other things balance out his selfishness (for lack of a better word)?
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-11-2011
Mon, 12-19-2011 - 10:06am
Well, until I lost my job I gave completely without many expections as I made more money. I am not into the "money" thing as I am seeing a general lack of interest where I am concerned. I still pay out more than I should on unemployment. I guess what I am feeling is that he just doesn't have the kind of interest or deep interest in me. Maybe I am saying that I should be given that which should be freely given if the other person feels as they say they do. I guess I am feeling the lack of giving of self to another person. But, that's my fault for having expectations without really thinking whether the other person shares the same. It appeared as if he did until anything I planned or suggested....and paying for it fell to absolute ruin. I don't whine or beg to do much of anything, so it isn't like that at all. I just know over the last two years I have planned exactly four things for us to do as a couple and I didn't know he wasn't interested until I got there. So, in effect I guess I need to be thinking about what is important to me, and stop looking for someone to share those interests with me. And, you are so correct. A relationship should be balanced and I feel out of balance and making himself and his needs be first is at the root of it. And, yes I believe maybe he's always been this way as he has been divorced for over 15 years, and something was wrong with all the past girlfriends. This makes me feel like maybe I thought I'd be the exception.
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 12-20-2011 - 10:55am
yes, you absolutely need to be thinking about what is important to YOU, and focusing less on finding someone to share those things with. what kinds of things do you like to do? are you talking about sports, or taking classes, or something like that? because if you start doing those things for you then you will meet people there anyway, and obviously there will be shared interest (unless they're just doing it to find someone and not out of genuine interest). so, go for it! even if there's no romantic outcome, you will make friends (which is usually more beneficial, anyway).

so, i'm sort of confused, but you're saying that before you lost your job you were his sugar mama? you were just paying his way even though it was never reciprocated?

being divorced naturally means that he'll put himself first, since (a) he doesn't have to look out for anyone else and (b) he was hurt pretty badly in the past, so it's easier to put up the "selfish" wall than to let someone else in. how do you know that there was something wrong with all his exes? is that what he told you?

what do you like about him? if he were to stay exactly the same (i.e. you couldn't change him), would his selfishness be a deal-breaker for you? or is it not a big deal, in the grand scheme of things?
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Fri, 12-23-2011 - 11:29pm
I think your on the right track.