Worst life situation ever, need help!

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Worst life situation ever, need help!
10
Mon, 07-23-2012 - 5:53pm

Me and my DH have a 10 month baby girl and whilst I lost my job during my pregnancy, my DH lost his 2 months after the baby was born. We had to leave our rented house and fortunately his uncle and aunt offered us an empty house to stay while we resolve our lives. But this was supposed to be just 2, 3, 4 months, and we're living there for almost 1 year already!

We've been trying hard to find jobs but it seems that something negative always happen! I had some interviews that went well but then for one reason or the other there was no job offer. My DH's had only 2 interviews in months, no job offer either.

We're getting so sick and tired of this situation, our moms are helping us finantially and they've been great support, but we lack having our home, our money, our life! I would like to have a room for my daughter as well and buy her nice things with my money and it's so frustrating I can't, specially when we used to have a wonderful life with good payed jobs.

It says that "when the going gets though the though get going" and that's what we've been doing, but I'm getting depressed and tired with this situation, as my DH is. The only positive thing about this is being able to spend our days with our baby girl and watch her grow, for her this is gold and for us as well. But I desperately want our life back and our indepedency.

We've been trying so hard to find a job but nothing and nothing happens. I never stayed out of work for more than one month and usually I used to get the job when going to a job interview, but now nothing happens. Even last week I had a phone interview that went really well, then they invited me to a face-to-face interview last Friday that to me went really well, and today they told me that they won't proceed with my application since I don't have experience in something that is not on the job description and they didn't even ask me at the interview! And specially when I DO have that experience, if they've asked I could have told them! So this has been the history of our lives, things don't move on due to stupid things like these.

I don't know what to do or think, it seems we are blocked by some negative energy or something. Please give me some advice. Thank you in advance.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Re: Worst life situation ever, need help!
Thu, 07-26-2012 - 7:43am

Thank you both for your responses.

Regarding gratitude, believe me that I feel really grateful for the good things we have, like me and my DH being able to spend 24/7 with our baby girl, for our health, for having a place to stay, for our moms helping us finantially, etc. But we're on this situation for almost an year now and it's suffocating.

We're applying for jobs not only where we live, but in other cities as well and in other countries, like Australia, Norway, Canada, etc! It's hard to keep up with a positive spirit when there's no interviews or no job offers.

I really just want our life back.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Fri, 07-27-2012 - 8:02am

what field(s) of work are you and DH in? maybe there is a way that you can use your skills in a different field - it wouldn't be exactly what you were looking for in terms of job title, but you'd basically be doing the same kind of work.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Fri, 07-27-2012 - 4:50pm

I work in Online Marketing and my DH's an Architect. We both have sound experience and excellent CV's.

Thanks for your idea, but I think that working in a different field would be even more difficult than finding work in our especific fields. This because there are so many people at the moment looking for jobs that why would a company want to hire someone from field X to do a especific job in field Z when they have so many candidates applying with experience in field Z?

And we really love what we do and really know our stuff. I just don't get it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 7:47am

the jobs that you're applying for - do your qualifications match exactly? do you follow all of the interview etiquette - following up with a thank-you note, calling the interviewer within the next few days to touch base, etc.? (i didn't do those things when i was first looking for a job and i couldn't figure out why i wasn't getting any job offers.)

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Mon, 07-30-2012 - 12:43pm

happy.pants:


Yes, we do all of that! I think the problem is, where we live there aren't many jobs available at the moment in our fields, there are many more in other cities and even countries. But when we receive an invitation for an interview from another city we cannot afford to go there personally and not many companies are open just to do a phone or skype interview. I had to refuse several interviews in another cities because I couldn't afford to go there in person!

I went to another city twice in the last 3 months to go to two job interviews where I didn't get the jobs. And it was my mom who payed the expenses, she's ok with that but I just can't continue to spend her money travelling to interviews also because she's helping us with money to survive! So, I feel we're between a rock and a hard place. I wish there were more jobs to apply for where we live at the moment.

Now we're applying to other countries where they understand we cannot travel to go to an interview and are more open to do a phone or skype interview, because we don't have any other chance.

Since I'm an online marketer and was a mom 10 months ago, I'm also opening an online second hand baby store/site making use of my marketing skills, so I'm still working and also having some income.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 8:25am

online marketing WOULD be more of an international field, i guess - but isn't it kind of ironic that these companies wouldn't be open to skype interviews? that doesn't make sense at all, unless they actually want to meet the candidate in person first. would you actually have to work for an online marketing company, or could you do marketing for an online company? because i'm sure there are plenty of smaller online companies that could use your marketing skills. kind of like your secondhand baby store (which is a great idea) - you can't be the only one! also, there are people working as consultants who have their own professional websites (featuring their resumes or portfolios, etc.) but aren't necessarily that great at marketing themselves; i bet you could help them. (you'd have to find them first, so that would take a while, but it might be fun.) it wouldn't be one full-time job like you're looking for, but it might be a decent alternative.

but architecture - out of curiosity, i searched for "architect" in my area on monster, and all of the results were software- or IT-related. is that what your DH keeps running into?

do you and DH have part-time jobs, in the meantime?

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-20-2011
Tue, 07-31-2012 - 10:56am

happy.pants:


Thanks for the suggestions, they're very welcome! Actually I did some work for an events company and for a hotel some months ago, they were small projects but it was good to have some income. But since that I haven't managed to find work for anyone else. I'll focus on my online store and see how it goes.

That's one of my DH's problems! He's an Architect on the construction field, not IT! But it seems there are dozens and dozens of job ads for IT and almost nothing for him. He's been applying directly to companies and also using Linkedin a lot (as well as myself) but he isn't able to even have one interview!

Oh and yes, I can work for an online company, I can work for an online marketing agency. I can virtually work for any company that wants to invest in their online marketing. Most of them are open for a Skype interview, but only on a first stage, on th next stage they want to meet face-to-face, even if they're on another country!

No, we don't have any part-time work. Is like I said, we've been trying and trying to find a job and it just seems we're blocked somehow.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-12-2006
Wed, 08-01-2012 - 3:40pm

well, construction employment itself has been declining steadily (one of my best friends is a construction worker, and he says that it's becoming nearly impossible to find steady work), so it would make sense if they're not hiring people to design buildings, do you know what i mean? is there another way that your DH could use his background or learn a couple of new skills to make himself more marketable?

i understand how a company would want to meet face-to-face for a second interview. i wonder if there is a way to negotiate for them to pay half your airfare? surely they must understand that you wouldn't be able to foot the bill yourself.

would you guys be open to doing other work in the meantime? retail, or even volunteering or something like that. i know you're both overqualified for those kinds of jobs but it would get you out of the house and you never know whom you might meet.

 

 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 08-05-2012 - 11:06pm

Oh, there is so much of this right now in the world.  Not just the states.  Have you talked to someone at the state level of unemployment?  I know the small town I used to live in had what they called a "Career Center".  There they helped me tweek my resume' and letter of introduction.  I would suggest a quick thank you note to the individual that you interview with as a follow up, stating thanks for their time, etc.  Should be put in the mail within 24 hours.  Keeps your name in their head.

There are so many folks in your boat.  We were there only about a year or two ago and will probably be again.  Seems to be a way of life.  It actually was a way of life in this country some generations ago.  It wasn't until the 1950's that people started staying with the same job for a long time.  I'm sure you've seen movies where the family packs up and moves to where the new job is..that sort of thing.

Have you considered that being with your baby right now is actually a gift.  She doesn't care about anything but you and daddy.  It's hard to be patient.  Perhaps you are being prepared for something completely new and not thought of before.  Could babysitting for other children about your daughters age be an option?  Good money in that.

Use community resources as you can and remember you can always pay back good deeds later when you're able.

Stay strong and have faith.

Community Leader
Registered: 12-21-2001
Tue, 08-07-2012 - 4:06pm

Namaste

Since I'm an online marketer and was a mom 10 months ago, I'm also opening an online second hand baby store/site making use of my marketing skills, so I'm still working and also having some income.

Break out the champagne-there are people who would change places with you in a heartbeat- and you have a lovely baby. But you already know this and it doesn't change how you see Worst life situation ever .  Also, have either of you looked at freelancing?  This has to be even more depressing than you're letting on.  Has your doctor hinted at "Baby Blues" with this stress situation?

One of ways to help overcome the non-work anger/depression is to schedule your day-which you probably already do with a new baby. A daily schedule helps for morning wake-up times, computer time, etc. .  Keep a work-day routine.  Do you have a boy or girl? Name? Wiggling into everything?

 Do you have to work the first five/six years or want to work?  Whichever, devote time and develop your site into the next million dollar business or at least a very good, steady income, there are always babies and second-hand has become a very good word again. I'll look forward to hearing about your business. ( PS- don't forget to have a separate account where you deposit a percentage of each sale to pay your taxes. As a marketer you already know to think in terms that you made $50.00 not $100.00)

The economy is slowly coming back, as n2isn said one day you will be able to repay kindnesses and pass it on.  For your esteem as some ones else suggested volunteer and pass the kindness you have received along in a non-monetary way.

Boys are brought up to believe that when they marry and need to provide all things for their family. Reassure him that he is providing what is needed at this fragile time-presence, playtime, love go on and on. He too needs a hobby or to volunteer. As an architect does he woodwork or design and build miniatures?  With his skills has he tried for drafting work (not in the building industry) as a hold-over? My best friend's husband was out of work for years and had to totally change careers at the age of 50.

Namaste

 

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