You are a toxic friend

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-09-2010
You are a toxic friend
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 8:24am

I'm devastated. I have had this friend, or at least I thought she was a friend, for a while now and suddenly she stopped answering my phone calls and no longer wanted to hang out. Yesterday she told me I was a "toxic friend" and she needed to break off our friendship. I am so hurt by this. I have tried my best to be a good friend and often would go out of my way to do things with her when I really didn't feel like it and she treats me like this.

I am just sick. Sick! Has anyone else been told they are "toxic"?? How did you deal with it?

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 1:14pm

Ouch! That's rough, Nancy and I'm sorry you've been hurt. Were the two of you having any kind of issues prior to this? Take a little step back review the relationship; how does it compare to other friendships you have?

It never hurts to do a little self-examination; doing so may help you come to terms with it all. If you honestly feel you've been a true friend and her judgment was too harsh, then you just may have to chalk it up as one of those things that just happen in life. In my experience, people who truly are toxic carry that toxicity over in most all of their relationships, so if you have solid friendships with others, focus on that and do not let this incident chip away at your self-esteem. 

Keep your chin up and let us know how you're doing!

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 1:39pm

I know that must really hurt to be dumped on by someone you trusted. Toxic seems to be the new buzz word along with "frenemy". I know I am constantly hearing people I work with talk about toxic friends so you might just be the victim of a fad.


Avatar for jamblessedthree
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-23-2001
Thu, 01-17-2013 - 5:38am

My perspective is a little different b/c I do have a toxic friend, We have been "friends" for more than 20 years but its always been an edgy one, It's the one ups she toses in or her her thinking she knows more than me b/c her kids are older or b/c she's supposedly had more "life experiences" than me, Lol.  Last Christmas I caught her in a lie which placed her on the defensive, I didn't want to argue but I was tired of her fascads and drama, A toxic relationship certainly leaves the other friend feeling sick too (or disgusted would be the word in my own situation).....   I don't know you but I saw this discussion on the ivillage homepage and found it interesting! I think some people call things names without knowing the real meaning of them but if it truly is a toxic one then there's more negative than supportive friendship going on, A relationship should never be a war of wills and if you want to save the friendship then talk heart to heart about how she feels and why, Perhaps she'll understand you a little better too!



iVillage Member
Registered: 05-06-2007
Sun, 02-17-2013 - 11:47pm

I agree with cotbpatsy.  The term "toxic" is often mis-used or used as an excuse to not offer any explanation. 

Since she already had you doing things that you really didn't always want to do, it sounds to me like she is just moving on to another person to maybe use? 

I'm sure it hurt your feelings.  Even when I know that someone has misjudged me, it still hurts and makes me question myself.  I think that is just the normal reaction of someone that has compassion.  You're not made of steel, be greatful for that.  I eventually work it through and then get angry.  Anger works great for me to get over things...forces me to move forward!  LOL