What a shame that you had such a bad experience at your first ever appointment.
That doctor's demeanor was not typical, based on my experiences. The majority of the gyno's that I've seen were male; the women gynos were a little more "businesslike" but not as cold as the one that you describe. I think its more of a "bedside manner" issue. Some doctors just do not have much empathy or know how to treat someone who is scared or upset.
My suggestion is to ask your friends and female relatives who they see, how they like the doc, does s/he explain things and allow time for questions, etc. In a year (or whenever you get your next pelvic exam) tell the new doctor briefly about your previous bad experience and ask that s/he take it easy.