Tell on a friend that has herpees?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-16-2013
Tell on a friend that has herpees?
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 9:30am

I just found this site and I am pretty impressed that you can ask questions and get advice from people. I need to ask something that I can't ask my other friends because I need honest opinions. I have a friend who just met this man who is the brother of a girl I work with. I am really good friends with my coworker and with the friend who is seeing her brother. My friend really likes the brother and things are progressing rapidly. She has herpees and she has not told men in the past because she thinks they will think she is a whore if they find out. I personally do not think it is fair for her to do this and I want to tell my coworker so she can tell her brother but everyone keeps telling me it is none of my business. I think it is my business if I can help prevent him from having a disease. I would not let a friend walk in front of a bus so why would I keep quiet about this? What would you do?

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 10:22am

The ethical issue here is that *adults* have to take responsibility for their own actions.  Your friend needs to recognize that lots of people get STDs, often unknowingly and sometimes the first time they have sex.  The boyfriend needs to be smart enough to ask what STDs she may have, and to use condoms.  However, if neither of them chooses to act like a responsible adult, that is simply not your problem.  It is not your job to "protect" two consenting adults.  You need to stay out of it.

iVillage Member
Registered: 08-01-2012
Wed, 01-16-2013 - 1:28pm

I agree with the previous poster about the ethical issue that adults need to take responsibility for their actions. Smart adults should always use precautions to prevent the spread of STDs... but should and do are two different things. Honestly, I don't see telling your co-worker anything; if I were in your situation and felt I had to say something, it would be to my friend who had herpes. If she really likes this guy, she needs to be truthful with him, if and when the relationship progresses to that level. I'd tell her that she has a lot better chance by being honest beforehand than she does if he finds out after the damage is done. If she still balks at having that talk, encourage her to insist on condoms. If she still turns a deaf ear, you've done all you can reasonably be expected to do... announcing it to your co-worker would be over the line, IMO. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-23-2013
Wed, 01-23-2013 - 12:40pm

I would tell. I don't care what anyone says. You may be able to prevent someone else getting a disease.