100 lbs goal: November 2013!! week 2

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Registered: 05-14-1999
100 lbs goal: November 2013!! week 2
4
Mon, 10-22-2012 - 12:46pm

Week 2 - Day 1 (Day 8 overall)

This weekend was pretty good. We had a big party on Saturday and I probably ate more than normal, it was nothing fried or that fattening and most importantly I DANCED!!!! GOOD THING!!! After expecting the party to be a flop, I had fun. I danced, laughed, it was overall good with the minor annoyances of always with the family.  Sunday I spent most of the day in bed or on the couch, so not a lot of movement. So tired from coming in at 3 a.m. 

Today (Monday) I am almost done with 24 oz of water. I had my smoothie for breakfast and have a salad waiting for lunch. I do feel tired - didn't sleep well. But I did not wake up with a headache - GOOD THING!!  Am hoping to go up and down the stairs, but my knee and my ankles are hurting, but I'll see if I can just do it.

Have a super week to everyone on this board!!

HA! I almost forgot a very good thing - I got on the scale and it said down 5 pounds. I know that normally they say that the first week is water and what not - I also think it might be bloating or swelling  that went down - but I don't care what it is, where it went, where it was - it is 5 lbs down. I am under 250 again and I am happy. Last week it said 253, today it was 249, I'll take it.

Don't want to focus on the number on the scale, but it is a small push in the right direction when you see the number go down.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 10-30-2012 - 5:02pm

I'm afraid this is on its way to becoming one more thing I do to try to loose weight. I stopped and got donuts and chips this morning.The hard thing is that I know it is wrong; I know it will do be bad for me; there are better options!

What worries me the most is that my thoughts go to the "I don't care" mode for any reason. If I'm tired, if I'm hungry, if I'm angry - always the same: I EAT!! I know I have always use food as a crutch, as a companion, as a friend, as an outlet. I make so many excuses.

I was depressed for such a long time, but I feel I'm no longer there. That black cloud that feels like a prison is no longer on me, but I still don't seem to care about much (besides the kids - nieces and nephews). 

I also know that this is a very difficult week for me. It will be 2 years since we lost my mom and I don't know how long it takes for it to start hurting and how long it takes before I let go of my guilt. I know I did the best I could, I know we had issues, I know that nothing is going to go away simply because - it happened, it cannot unhappen! But, I want to be able to live with it. My mom wasn't the best mother, but she wasn't the worst. And honestly she and my grandmother had it worst than me. And I know, that this is my life, blah, blah, blah. They still had a very difficult life. Both suffer so much, such sad lives. The bad thing that my life isn't much happier despite the fact that my life isn't as miserable as theirs were.

What I want is to live a healthy life! I WANT A HEALTHY LIFE!! I want to be able to walk without pain because I want to travel again when I am again settled economically. I want to try different things again that are limited if I am this heavy.

I NEED SOMETHING, SOME ONE, I NEED HELP!! I no longer really know what to do.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Fri, 10-26-2012 - 9:34am

Week 2 - Day 5 (Day 12 overall)

Well, yesterday was my "normal" - no exercise, and not eating so well. though I had my smoothie, but I did nothing else special. I need to start exercising somehow.

It is getting cold, so going outside is out of the question. I just hate to exercise; I still wish I could find someone to dance with.

I grabbed a magazine from the office kitchen that had an article about getting rid of belly fat. It spoke of cortisone and I looked it up on the internet. And funny reaction I had, it made me very sad. Well, the memories it brought up made me very sad. It says that stress does something or other about cortisone that makes the belly fat appear (besides eating more than normal). And it made me remember my first 20 years on this earth. Some people should really never have children; and unfortunately, my parents were such people - at least not with one another.

Well, here is to a new day. Let's think about exercise.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Thu, 10-25-2012 - 10:27am

Week 2 - Day 3 & 4 (Day 11 overall) I can't believe that I did not journal yesterday. I could've sworn I did. Well, yesterday was not good as far as food because my sister brought me bread on Monday and I ate it for lunch on Tuesday and Wednesday. I did not walk or go up the stairs. I did go down the stairs when going home, so that was good.

Today (Thursday - week 2, day 4 - day 12), I am having a smoothie for breakfast. I did not come up the stairs.

The good thing for these two days is that I got my review at work and though I did not like it overall, it was a very good revive, and I got a raise (I have a very good job). And being upset (a little only) over the comments, I did not eat and drown my sorrows in food. My sisters went out for sweet bread after dinner and brought home some other sweets, but I was very good and did not have any and even told them I did not want any. But at the end I did have an ice cream bar, or at least half of it because my puppy ate the other half.

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-14-1999
Tue, 10-23-2012 - 2:07pm

Week 2 - Day 2 (Day 9 overall)

Well, yesterday I was so tired and sleepy still, and my sister wasn't home and didn't make diner, so I didn't want leftovers, so I had a sandwich and half a bag of potato chips (small bag) and a pop.

And because I was not satisfied with that, an hour later, I had some cereal. So not overall good with food at dinner time, but I had my smoothie and my salad at breakfast and lunch. I didn't exervise; didn't even go up and down the stairs.

today, I am already drunk almost 48 oz of water. And I will probably drink a bit more. Yesterday, I didn't finish all 48, but probably did 36, which I think is not bad. I did take my vitmains yesterday and need to take them today still.

I find myself full of negative thoughts - primarily about my sister and her family - and I keep reminding myself that I can't do anything about her family; I feel badly for my niece and nephews, but I need to stay out of it and away from them for my own good. They aren't being abused - just a very dysfunctional home life - and not much that can be done there. They are fed, they have their home, they go to school - I guess it is something they will just deal with when they grow up and bring it up with their parents. I'm rambling; but it is hard to explain whithout getting into all the horrid family history. So, I will leave it alone and hope (pray, I guess) for their well being.

I have to focus on me, my health, and my well being. I just don't want to go overboard like before because I just get tired of the whole thing. I tend to overplan - menus, books, journals, charts, scales, websites! - ugh, what madness!!

Well, today is good, just a little tired, but we'll see overall later.

Have a great one!