Depressed Hopeless Obese Biplar
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|Fri, 11-02-2012 - 6:35pm|
i am 37. I am 4'11 and weigh 200 lbs. The least I have ever weighed was 114 when I was 19. After that I started to average 150lb. The last 5-7 years that at went up to 180. In 2010 I got down from 180 to 155 (while I was still overweight I was in good shape in that I had worked and defined muscles and increased my cardiovascular endurance. I went to Zumba regularly and lifted bar bells at home daily and practiced Vinyasa yoga daily. This weight loss began in January and ended in the late summer of 2010. In january of that year I began seeking medical treatment seeing both a doctor and psychologist for my mental issues. I did not know at the time I was bipolar. It has taken a couple of years to finally diagnose me.
I think the meds I was on caused me to gain more weight. I am on new meds now, however I still weigh 100 lbs overweight which is extremely dangerous for someone my size.
What keeps me from taking positive steps. 1) my mental state: I beat myself up and tell myself I'm fat and gross and losing weight and getting back into the shape I was at 150 is not something I'm able to do right now. I tried to do Yoga and because of my weight I could not hold the simples pose. I get out of breath simply doing a simple stretch move to loosen my back muscles. I feel I am facing a huge mountain and feel there is no way I can reach the top
2) Stress and anxiety. The anxiety is tied to my mental illness and the stress is due to the fact that I am unemployed and finances are difficult. Difficult to the point that it is very very difficult to buy food that is healthy. It's sad that it is cheaper to eat foods that are bad for you than good for you. This stress and anxiety keeps me in bed at times hiding from the world.
3)Unemployment. I am looking for work and hope to find something good. However I am very self conscious about my weight and feel it will hinder my ability to get a job. It has been proven that looks do play a role in hiring decisions. I am confident in my skills and experience but my insecurity about my weight is so strong I am almost scared to go on an interview.
This is a brief story of my situation. I would love any support or advice you can offer. I just do not know where to begin the task is overwhelming. I really feel I need a "buddy" someone to talk to and offer support when I want to emotionally eat or crave fast food. Someone that has been through or is in a similar situation. I recently purchased food (which cost a lot) that followed the South Beach diet. I have a severe case of insulin resistance and that contributes signifcantly to my weight but also health as I could be on the verge of diabetes. I considered atkins because I felt it would be easier to follow and I would see results quicker. 10 years ago I was on the diet for a week and lost 6lbs (my carb cravings ruined it for med). I have focused on south beach or considered the old famous The Zone diet because of my insulin issues.
I just don't know what to do. I'm not much of a cook. I live with my family because I am unemployed and it is difficult to cook a lot of meals because my mother does not like a lot of dishes or a mess in the kitchen. Ughhh. Someone please help.
I know if I could see results in a week or 2 it would get me motivated but I am so defeated by the size of the obstacle I must overcome.
I really need a cheerleader :(