Depressed Hopeless Obese Biplar

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Depressed Hopeless Obese Biplar
Fri, 11-02-2012 - 6:35pm

i am 37.  I am 4'11 and weigh 200 lbs.  The least I have ever weighed was 114 when I was 19.  After that I started to average 150lb.  The last 5-7 years that at went up to 180.  In 2010 I got down from 180 to 155 (while I was still overweight I was in good shape in that I had worked and defined muscles and increased my cardiovascular endurance.  I went to Zumba regularly and lifted bar bells at home daily and practiced Vinyasa yoga daily.  This weight loss began in January and ended in the late summer of 2010.  In january of that year I began seeking medical treatment seeing both a doctor and psychologist for my mental issues.  I did not know at the time I was bipolar.  It has taken a couple of years to finally diagnose me.  

I think the meds I was on caused me to gain more weight.   I am on new meds now, however I still weigh 100 lbs overweight which is extremely dangerous for someone my size. 

What keeps me from taking positive steps.  1) my mental state: I beat myself up and tell myself I'm fat and gross and losing weight and getting back into the shape I was at 150 is not something I'm able to do right now. I tried to do Yoga and because of my weight I could not hold the simples pose.  I get out of breath simply doing a simple stretch move to loosen my back muscles.  I feel I am facing a huge mountain and feel there is no way I can reach the top

2) Stress and anxiety.  The anxiety is tied to my mental illness and the stress is due to the fact that I am unemployed and finances are difficult.  Difficult to the point that it is very very difficult to buy food that is healthy.  It's sad that it is cheaper to eat foods that are bad for you than good for you.  This stress and anxiety keeps me in bed at times hiding from the world.

3)Unemployment.  I am looking for work and hope to find something good.  However I am very self conscious about my weight and feel it will hinder my ability to get a job.  It has been proven that looks do play a role in hiring decisions. I am confident in my skills and experience but my insecurity about my weight is so strong I am almost scared to go on an interview.

This is a brief story of my situation.  I would love any support or advice you can offer.  I just do not know where to begin the task is overwhelming.  I really feel I need a "buddy" someone to talk to and offer support when I want to emotionally eat or crave fast food.  Someone that has been through or is in a similar situation.  I recently purchased food (which cost a lot) that followed the South Beach diet.  I have a severe case of insulin resistance and that contributes signifcantly to my weight but also health as I could be on the verge of diabetes.  I considered atkins because I felt it would be easier to follow and I would see results quicker.  10 years ago I was on the diet for a week and lost 6lbs (my carb cravings ruined it for med).  I have focused on south beach or considered the old famous The Zone diet because of my insulin issues.

I just don't know what to do.  I'm not much of a cook.  I live with my family because I am unemployed and it is difficult to cook a lot of meals because my mother does not like a lot of dishes or a mess in the kitchen. Ughhh.  Someone please help.  

I know if I could see results in a week or 2 it would get me motivated but I am so defeated by the size of the obstacle I must overcome.

I really need a cheerleader :(

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-21-2012
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 2:11pm

First, make your goal smaller.  Don't think of the need to lose 100 lbs.  Make a smaller goal, say 20 lbs. so you can reach 180 lbs.  Second, clean as you cook and there will not be a lot of dishes for your mom to be upset about.  Frozen vegetables tend to be cheaper than fresh, they don't go bad as quickly, and you can usually get them in smaller serving sizes.  Don't give up on the yoga or any exercise.  In fact, find an exercise you enjoy, do it a few times and in a very short period of time you will notice you can do it better, longer, etc. that will give you a confidence boost too.  I agree that employers judge us on our looks, but sitting at home is not going to make you feel better either.  Go look for a "quick" short-term job.  It is the holidays, go apply for a plus sized clothing store, you will be on your feet working and that will help encourage weight loss, you will earn a little bit of money and get a discount on clothing so when it is time to interview for the job you want, you can buy an outfit that helps you feel more confident. If you lost weight once you can do it again.  Instead of focusing on the failures, focus on the times you were successful. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Sun, 11-04-2012 - 8:45pm

Thank you so much for your response.  You really offered some very helpful tips-focusing on short goals like 20lbs; working in a plus size store for the holidays; and knowing I did it once and can do it again.  I know that intellectually of course but there's always that negative voice in my head discouraging me because of the mountain I have to climb.  Hopefully trying to focus on a short goal like 20 lbs will quiet that voice.

In terms of exercise.  I tried to do Yoga and because of my size I feel over trying to do a simple pose (lack of balance and stregth as a result of being so out of shape I guess) I actually hurt my self.  There is a pose called the "child's pose" or something to that effect.  It's basically a stretching move.  You put your knees under your stomach and stretch your arms forward on the ground while keeping your bottom touching the back of your calves while in the bent position.  This simple move puts me out of breath.  That's disheartening.  So I think all of points you made are very helpful.  I think I just need a little more push or encouragement to get moving.  I've thought of walking in my neighborhood but I'm embarrassed to be seen  (Silly I know-but how do I overcome that?)

Thanks Again!  You helped a lot!

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-29-2007
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 1:30pm
I know you are very short on money but look online and see if you can get a copy of Mega Yoga. Or look for any DVD or online (youtube) video of yoga poses for larger bodies. Back when I very first started trying to lose weight I felt the same way. I was able to buy Megan's first Mega Yoga DVD and it was a God send. The DVD is for women that have extra. There are ways to work around it!!
Community Leader for: 100 Pounds of More To Go!!
Gotta do it. Gonna Do It in 2012!
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Mon, 11-05-2012 - 9:23pm

You have already gotten some good advice.  I think walking around your neighborhood is a good idea.  I don't kniw how it is where you live, but here there is a lot of trash on the street.  Maybe you could take a bag, wear gloves, and pick up trash as you go...make a goal to fill a bag each time you are out, and you will have a dual purpose. 

Why do you care what other people think of you?  If they are your freinds, they will be happy to see you out and about.  If they are people who make comments about people, you don't want to be their freind.  maybe someone who is in their house, wishing they had the courage to get out and move will look out their window, see you, and be inspired.  You deserve to be healthy and to feel good...why let people you don't even know take that away from you?  In reality, I think very few people ever even notice someone else....everyone is too preoccupied with themselves.

As for food, I buy boneless chicken breasts on sale for $1.99 a pound - when they are on sale, I buy a bunch and feeze them.  I cut off all the fat before freezing them.  To cook, I defrost them, put in a baking dish lined with aluminum foil, and bake at 350 - 45 minutes for two, an hour for three or four.  Cleanup is easy - you throw away the foil and the pan is almost clean. I buy lettuce, carrots, and celery every week - I buy the bagged lettuce, but you can buy a head of lettice.  I cut up carrots and celery once a week - then I make salad - lettuce, celery, carrots, chicken - for my lunch each day.  There is very little mess.  Hard boiled eggs are a good source of protein, and all that you get dirty is a pan of water.  I eat these with salt and pepper warm, or cut up in salad.  Instant oatmeal with skim milk is easy and quick - I eat it from the same bowl I microwave it in.  A box of oatmeal is less tha n$3.00 for a package of 10 - again, I look for sailes.  If you buy the flavored kind, you don't need sweetener.  Apples are cheap right now - clementines will be in season in December.   I like yogurt as a snack or breakfast...again, I look for sales but I like the 80 calorie kind that comes in four packs.  This might be a little messy, but I make soup every week - with chicken or beef broth, a little meat, an onion, frozen vegetables, a little rice or pasta.  The chopping up is messy, but the cooking just takes one pan - and it makes enough for three nights.

You've taken the first step by posting here...focus on what you CAN do, not on what you can't, and let us know how things go.

Bet wishes


iVillage Member
Registered: 01-02-2008
Thu, 11-15-2012 - 12:49pm

Thanks again everyone.  Every word helps and your words give me strength.  I will look for the Yoga DVD, I have not heard of it.  SJ what do you season your chicken with, if anything?  Also do you cook the veggies in the same pan while you are baking your chicken?.  I have insulin resistance and my glucose is very high. I am without question prediabetic.  I wanted to know if anyone else on here has these health issues also.  I ask because I know that in addition to exercise and eating healthy, having PCOS-insulin resistance-high glucose, that there are diets such as South Beach that really target insulin resistantce.   

DId any of you follow a diet based on specific health issues, or generally just ate in a healthy way and counted calories? So when I hear of examples of what to eat I have to also deal with the health issues I have.  I cannot eat fruit technically at this point (according to SB diet because of the natural sugars in fruit).

Thanks again-your encouragement helps more than you know. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 1:26pm

Being Bipolar just makes things much worse. Some of the meds may make you feel depressed, which causes you to stop doing anything, resulting in gaining more weight, and more feeling of depression. 

So, the first thing you need to do, if you haven't done it already, is to make sure you have the right meds. If the current ones make you feel depressed, let your doctor know.

Once you have the right meds, you can start on your next targets. Don't do too much or you will stress yourself out and risk a panic attack. Go slow, set short term achievable targets.

Being bipolar also means that you may qualifty for disability and free or low cost training. Check with your local groups.

You've lost weight before, so you can do it again. Once you reach your goals, you will have a great story to tell which can help others in your situation.

One way you can help others and yourself is by starting a journal. Write down what happened to you and what you did to overcome it. Make it into a book and offer it for sale on Amazon and other booksellers. The writing will help keep you focused, and it is something that doesn't put any stress and gives you something to reach for. It will also make you feel better about yourself. 

If you still need a cheerleader let me know.    

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Tue, 01-01-2013 - 1:38pm

Two more things. 

Stay away from all those fancy diets. They are expensive and if they work will only be short term. Go walking instead. Try to walk at least one hour four times a week. Start small, 10 - 15 minutes and work your way up to one hour a way. You can do two 30 minute walks. Once you're comfortable walking, try to keep a 3.0 - 3.2 mph pace. Studies have found that walking at that pace is the best way to lose weight for anyone who needs to lose more than 30 pounds. When you walk, try to maintain the proper posture, back straight, arms bent, swing your arms, head up and stomach contracted.

If you're going to try cooking healthy meals, do it on Sunday. Cook enough meals to last you all week. This way, you only have to cook once per week, it will be a little cheaper and would create less of a mess. It'll be easier to clean up and keeps your mind occupied. Don't go fancy. Stick to regular low cost healthy ingredients.