I don't know what to do anymore
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|Wed, 10-06-2010 - 4:30pm|
First of all, I should note that I suffer from Major Depression, so if I tend to talk low...please just bare with me.
Part of therapy is making goals for yourself. One of them I picked was loosing weight. I had lost a ton of weight [well over 100 pounds] a few years ago, and then it all came back when I went flying into a deep depression. I don't know how I lost the weight the first time to be honest...all I did was go from 1 meal to 3 and 2 snacks a day. People didn't believe me I lost by eating more...so I don't bother telling anyone that's the reason anymore, even though my doctor confirmed it's very possible. Anyway, after I went into my downhill slide, I started eating one to two meals again, but I also just did nothing. I was taken off work for the depression and I just hid in my house for a couple years.
Now I have a very supportive therapist, who has without knowing, encouraged me to make this goal for myself. So many months ago, I started walking. My doctor told me awhile back, to not just stroll...to really get my heart going. So, I did. And I started out only doing a couple blocks at first, but by the end of the month I was walking over 10 blocks. After that, I kept the same distance, but added hills here and there. By the end, I was drenched and really felt I had to be making some progress. Wrong...I didn't even loose.
To top it off, I went on a diet with my mom. I was only on it for 2-3 weeks, then gave up when I saw I wasn't loosing. I think I lost a pound at most and that was pushing it. I did this all with the walking. So ok, it's not working. Time to try something else.
So, I order a bunch of workout videos from people who had success from the biggest losers. I got this one that starts you out slow, and then works you up to higher levels. For a week, I've been doing the 5 minute warmup and the 20 minute step one cardio workout. I'm breathing heavy and panting by the end. Along with this, I've been eating about the same diet I was on when I lost the weight before. It consists of:
Morning: Fiber cereal [skim milk]. Activitia yogart and a fruit [sometimes I save it for snack instead]
Lunch: Roast and chicken [thin] slices, chedder cheese slice on wheat bread. nothing else.
Supper: Usually one meat and one veggie
Granted I haven't added up the calories on this diet, but it's really about the same as before when I lost. Except I actually had two snacks before with string cheese on top of it.
I just don't know what to do anymore. I'm so tired of fighting when I'm doing the right things. I have polycystic ovary syndrom as well...so I know that doesn't help...but come on, what the hell do I have to do? I can't afford a fancy high maintence diet, I only get 5-600 bucks a month to survive on. I need something simple and non complicated or it will overwhelm me more than I all ready am.
Please tell me what I'm doing wrong. I am so drained, I can't do this anymore. I might as well be sitting on my butt because it's becoming the same thing as trying.