So stressed out I cant sleep!!! I am dumb and in debt

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2012
So stressed out I cant sleep!!! I am dumb and in debt
6
Mon, 03-19-2012 - 1:12pm

Okay, I am hoping this will make me feel better for spelling out how dumb I have been.

iVillage Member
Registered: 03-19-2012

I forgot to mention I have never been late or am NOT late on any of the cards.

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997

You might want to post on the Debt Support board, as it's a more active community.

I'm the family financial manager, and I mismanaged our finances into over $50K of debt, through lack of attention and my unwillingness to face reality.

Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
I have to agree with everything OP said. You are a couple, you both spend money on yourselves and your DD, and if he's stuck his head into the sand and let you completely take care of it all, its just as much his fault for being an absent financial partner with you. I do understand though, not feeling like you can talk to him about it and trying to juggle it all yourself is very stressful on that spouse. You said you've scheduled an appointment with a counselor. I would sit down first with that counselor and work on a plan of attack so that when you are finally ready to go to him and talk it through, you'll have a concrete plan in front of you to show him you are serious and have a plan of attack for it, but that you two are partners in the marriage and you need to work it out together.

Hugs to you, this is the first step!
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iVillage Member
Registered: 04-08-2008

How can he get mad when you said that you spend most of your money on his daughter's activities?

I would create a list of our annual expenses and our annual revenue and show him that something has to give. Explain to him that you are holding all the stress and all the emotional damage of this and you need his help. You need him to be an adult and a partner (not a teenager who can ask you to take care of him).

Then create a budget with a debt plan. Show him the sacrifices that are going to have to be made. Get his commitment on this. I would also look into extra ways to bring some money into the household.

Good luck and you can do this!

Dee

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Missy,
Pop over the the Debt support board and we can all help you with this, we have been there, let me tell you!
One book that helped me was The Complete Money makeover by Dave Ramsey, it gives you a method for attacking the debt like you have never seen and you will be able to get things under control if you are open to the methods he lists - like using cash for a while so you can FEEL your spending, another tip is an emergency fund, so you never have to use credit again.

We post our success and our issues on the Debt Support board, help one another to save and pay things down and celebrate when things go well. It has helped me pay down over $115k of debt in 4 years.

-Marie
#Marie
Community Leader
Registered: 07-26-1999
BTW Missy, how are things going since you posted this thread?
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