Borrowing from or Lending to Friends or Family?

Avatar for CMEvelyn
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Borrowing from or Lending to Friends or Family?
7
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 1:46pm

Would you, or have you ever borrowed from or lent money to a family member or friend? 

Do you expect to get paid back?

iVillage Member
Registered: 01-03-2001
Fri, 09-14-2012 - 3:36pm
We have loaned ... To a friend who paid it back; to another friend who paid it back; to DH's husband whose wife refused to pay it back; and to my Brother...nothing heard of it since. no paper on any of these... Lesson learned? Family seems to think you owe it to them and pay-back, no matter the promises, is highly unlikely. Friends, on the other hand...

iVillage Member
Registered: 02-07-2011
Thu, 09-20-2012 - 3:50pm

We've done both, borrowed money from my parents to help with a down payment on the house, and loaned money out to friends.  With my parents, we will pay them back eventually when we can, it's something that they've done for all of their children.  With the friends, both were smaller amounts and while we expected to be paid back, neither has come through.  Both of those I blame my husband for, he can be a soft touch but I think he's learned his lesson now.    

 photo abbysummer_zps85da8a35.jpg

Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
Fri, 09-21-2012 - 11:26am

I would only lend what I could afford to lose.  I have *given* small amounts of cash ($100-300) to friends and family who hit a rough patch, but I've refused to cosign loans or lend money.  It's not fair to my own husband and children to put our money at risk for others.

My parents loaned us money for a used car many years ago - we paid about half of it back.  They made occasional other "loans" that we all knew were really gifts.  The biggest, however, was a real loan - $100,000 when I needed to either buy the house I was renting or else move out.  They took out a $100K HELOC and gave it to me with the stipulations that they'd never give me any other money ever again, that I had to tell my siblings about it, and that I would repay it to their estate after their death from the money earned from the sale of the house.  This was a huge step for our family becoming financially stable, and I think they were willing to do it because I'd already changed careers to improve my lifetime financial prospects, which I have, dramatically.  My mother has since passed on, but Dad is so impressed with how we've turned our financial lives around that he says he'd lend me money any time I need it - of course now I actually DON'T need it, LOL.

I'm not sure if I'd lend money to my adult kids.  I've given them a lot, and I'm inclined to give more, rather than saddle them with debt - but only if it is for something to help them get ahead, such as grad school, moving for a new job or buying a house.  My hope is that I can help them grow into adulthood with a better understanding of money than I had so that they don't have to borrow money at all.  And I still wouldn't lend money to my nieces or nephews.

Avatar for CMEvelyn
iVillage Member
Registered: 05-29-2012
Fri, 09-28-2012 - 2:30pm
I'm so sorry for your loss queensophia. Having the furniture she gave you as a memento is so nice, definitely worth much more than any loan!
iVillage Member
Registered: 03-17-2003
Tue, 10-09-2012 - 1:12pm

I'm done loaning money and promises of repayment.  I'm rarely paid back and I seem to be the only one who brings up the subject, which then makes me the "bad guy".

I like what Judge Judy says: If someone asks to borrow money from you -- don't loan a dime.  Instead give them what you can afford to give, tell them you are going to give them money, you do not expect to be repaid, and you will not do it again. I think that's a good approach.

Carolyn