Met w/ advisor, bought Dave Ramsey's book

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Met w/ advisor, bought Dave Ramsey's book
9
Thu, 03-20-2014 - 1:40pm

Me and DH met with financial advisor yesterday.  Went well.    Always hard to hear the truth sometimes, but it wasn't anything we already knew.  Walked right by a book store and found a discounted overstock book for half price.

We left with a plan and by 7:00 last night my DH pretty much ditched it all.  Sigh......

But, better to know immediately how he feels versus resentments down the road.  I think there are just some thing we will never totally see eye to eye and just need to accept that.  

I don't feel it was all for not though.  I still think some good things were gleaned from the meeting.  Coming together with a joint plan just wasn't one of them.  I just wish he would have said something while we were there so the advisor could have given us different suggestions.  

Looking forward to reading the book.....

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001

Well that has to be frustrating!  

So if H doesnt agree with the plan, does he have another plan?  Is he just going to ignore having ant plan at all and simply hope for the best?

Im not a huge fan of Ramsey's personality (he's a jerk) but his financial advise for getting out of debt is straight forward and easy to follow.  I do like that.  I listen to his podcasts to keep me motivated.

I would think it would be so hard on a marriage to have different financial goals!

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Well, it is not that we have different goals.  It is how to reach our goals that we are struggling with.

The advisor suggested a joint effort that in the meeting he agreed to, but after a few hours he changed his mind.  I mean I knew it was a large leap for us and I did figure that it would need some tweeking.  I just wasn't expecting DH to totally throw in the towel to what we agreed on in the meeting.  

The good part was that the last time we had this conversation it went horrible and at least this time my DH was calm and more empathetic.  

I can tell that he felt bad this morning, so we'll see if anything has changed when I go home tonight.  

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Fri, 03-21-2014 - 10:39am

If you are actually planning on following Dave Ramsey's program he's a real stickler on married people joining their finances.  I understand that its something specifically addressed in his actual Financial Peace courses.  And apparently the course does a good job at convincing people why it's necessary.   I say all this but i'm just what I've heard.  I've never taken the course.

Personally I would have a hard time keep separate money with my hubby.

I'm also curious about why your hubby agreed to it when talking to a third party and then changed his mind.

Anywho...to each his own...as long as you are working on the same goal right?  Though I understand your frustration.

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Fri, 03-21-2014 - 12:20pm

Hi There,

By the way you are speaking I can only assume that part of the plan talked about with the counselor involved joining everything and that means DH helping to pay off your debt and both of your changing your life styles to do so.  If not, my bad. None of my business. I could see how that would be tough though.

Dave R is not the only way to do things and you know that. I stil think if DH sees you take a chunck out of th e14 K on your own, he would help willingly. it is important you do this on your own regaurdless.

Something to think about.

K

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

Karen, you are correct on all counts.

We talked more last night and I am feeling much better.  I also had finals this week and that added to the emotional let down yesterday. 

The meeting was sort of a double edged sword.  It gave DH perspective on our finances as couple, but then I think what hit him later was "wait, that means this is also my debt, but I didn't have anything to do with it."   "I thought we were going in to set up a retirement account, what the heck happened in there?"  

Ultimately I think he wants to see me make more of an effort to actually get the balance down and to quit treading water.  Sure, I am not digging, but that isn't enough.  

For what it is worth, ultimately this is all postiive.  Undecided

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-28-1999
Mon, 03-24-2014 - 11:05am

I don't necessarily think that married people have to share all their money completely, but it has to be a financial partnership.  I got married when I was only a couple of years out of law school and I had $20,000 in student loans (this was back in 1984 so would be more today).  My then DH & I just put all our money into one account and paid all the bills out of it.  I think it's much harder to do that in a 2nd marriage where both people have kids from the 1st marriage.  I tried doing the same thing with 2nd DH and there were many more issues that arose so I would not do it again, but then again, I probably wouldn't remarry either.  If your degree or education helps you get a better job, then your DH would be willing to benefit from your higher salary, right?  Or instead of paying off your loans directly, maybe it would sit better with him if he paid a household bill by himself so that you could pay off your loans even though that would be the same result.  I don't know how you could have a marriage where only one person is making financial sacrifices--I think a lot of resentment would result from that.  

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006

((((I don't know how you could have a marriage where only one person is making financial sacrifices--I think a lot of resentment would result from that.  ))))

Exactly.  The advisor did not ask us pool our money together.  

So much of this is relative and based on the perspective of each individual.  Even the advisor sides steps a few of Ramsey's ideas.  For example, he is not against owning one CC for true emergencies.  

I am about 1/3 of the way through the book and I still have a hard time believing you won't run into problems not having a credit card.  I don't know.  He says he runs his business and life without one, so I guess it must be possible.  

Anyways, I am confident that me and my DH will work through this.  Part of the deal at the appointment was that I was to put my CC away.  My DH asked for it on Saturday, which means he willing to work as a team to pay off my CC and start planning our future.  

I think the advisors plan just felt so extreme on the surface and DH needed to sit on it for a bit.  The advisor was not letting me off the hook, just trying to give us a plan based on our current situation.  

Serenity

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 11-13-2011
Thu, 03-27-2014 - 9:36pm
It is really hard in a second mariage to find a way to manage finances so that both spouses are comfortable with the arrangment. I never thought about going to a financial Advisor.

Malea

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iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Serenity, Glad to hear you went to an adviser! Hey we out here do a lot to help people, it is not all about huge investments. I live without a CC, just debit and it works fine and I do have a business, a financial one at that! Cash is king and I do have a couple extra Benjamins tucked in my wallet between photos in case of emergency. Funny how you don't want to break one of those at a grocery store, but would have no issue using a credit card or even debit for a purchase of whatever. Using cash really reigns things in a lot. Good luck showing your spouse your commitment! Being, rather than talking, is a great motivator. -Marie
#Marie