Blue Christmas

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Blue Christmas
5
Sun, 12-02-2012 - 9:21pm
I was trying to put up holiday decorations this weekend and I just got so grumpy and down. The house we live in now is 1600 sq ft and I bought most of my decorations for my old 2600 square foot house. I have about 3 boxes of decorations I am either going to throw out or give to charity. I also have 3-4 big storage boxes that have nowhere to go and they used to look so nice in my past homes. Every room in this house needs work, from mildew shower, to beaten faded carpet in all bedrooms, to a basement that is a mess and a garage that is messy. I try to do a room a year, but I just can't seem to keep up, it is not an open format and it is on a dirt road, which makes keeping things clean so hard. And redoing rooms is so expensive, I just do the minimum. Yes, we are healthy, kids are getting an education, but we just did our healthcare selections and the same levels of this year will run us $130 a month more. Our taxes will also go up with this fiscal cliff issue on the table. My gosh, DH makes six figures but only brings home less than $2400 a pay now! Taxes, healthcare premiums and not having a pension has us drowning. DH got a raise of 5% last year, but it all went to healthcare and increased auto insurance. I am working really hard, over 50 hours a week, and this month is so tight. We cut way back for the holidays, but college tuition is due for both kids- $14k. I have most of it saved, but it is going up each year and we need to make some up. Sorry, just venting here. Want to go out and have a festive time, but scared to spend anything. We have done well at paying down a lot of debt and I don't want to go backward. Wine at home is about it for me, cheap wine! -M
#Marie
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 5:15pm

Marie, I really do feel for you.  I know that has got to be tough.   My house is far from fancy, but I don't know that I could bear to live in the house my SO used to own with his xW.  Ugh, so NOT my taste or style, nor in a neighboorhood I would ever want to live in. 

I know you pretty much just wanted to vent, so my only other thoughts would be to reevaluate your debt repayment plan.  And, you obviously can't make your DH all of sudden be neat and tidy, but I bet if you picked just one area to clean, I bet he would do it. 

If he is anything like me, and you want him to do something, you need to be specific and give him a time frame.  I need to be told "this week, today, or right now!"  I don't know how many times my SO has mentioned something and I think he means "when I have time or feel like it" and he meant "right now." 

I don't know if any of us thought we would be where we are today.  Good, bad or indifferent. 

Hang in there. 

Serenity
Avatar for turtleemom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Wed, 12-05-2012 - 11:11am

I thought from your orginal post that you were blue about not having the space for al lthe deocrations. Now I understand they are just stuff.  Purge, donate, declutter! 

I am the type of person to take matters into my own hands and change what upsets me.   I feel fortuante that my DH listens and supports me in these endeavors. 

iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 8:35pm
Turtlemom - Yes, my daughter works all summers and during the school year. I also saved a lot for her for college and she watches her spending. DH's son (we married when kids were in middle school) does not work, DH did not save for him so we are paying his out of pocket. We pay about 2/3 of the tuition, room and board, they pay or get loans for their 1/3 and spending money. They both have cars at school, as well as cell phones. Cars are used, DD21 just upgraded hers on her own, but our car insurance is $5,000 a year. DSS has had tickets and is still on probation at age 19. Issue is tons of things in the house, not just storage items. I moved from my house, then DH's grandma died and then my Aunt gave us stuff. Kids come home in summer and dump things. My Dh is also one who does not believe in organizing ANYTHING. His dresser is loaded with junk, from bullets, to batteries to checks, books and just stuff upon stuff. Garage is the same, as is his areas of the basement. There is piles of sawdust under his saw, and boards of scrap just thrown there. Any area he works in is just a mess. In our kitchen two of the cupboards are falling off, there are knobs on some, then he stopped putting them on, so only some have them. Most of the holiday things I have are from others, not things I really wanted or bought on myself. As far as the budget, we have been watching money for 5 years now. I keep trying to save and then something happens like today: garage door spring, sprang. Dogs go into the vet tomorrow and Dh's dog has blocked eye duct issues and a huge growth on her chest. They eye medicine is over $50 for one tiny little tube. Who knows what else they will need. The operation on the eye ducts is over $3,000 so we opted not to do that. Sorry, just a bit blue as I thought we would be out of the woods by now.
#Marie
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-28-2009
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 9:55am

When I find myself continually bothered by the same thing, I like to really zone in on the why?? Why do I expend so much energy on this? Why does it bother me so much? I know your home bothers you.....you work so hard Marie, you deserve to be happy and content in your home. I don't mean for you to say the heck with paying off debt, we are going to redo the whole house! I mean that you & the hubby should sit down together and come up with a plan.....some of your money can go towards tackling one room at a time. It does not have to cost a lot, I have done amazing things with a gallon of paint and some small accessories.

Imagine if you had never lived in that 2600 sq foot house? How would you be feeling now? You are comparing your reality to a version of your past. When you were living in that larger home, were you content there? I think the things that really matter in life are in your current home, your loviing husband, two smart & successful children. The holiday season is really not about putting out every last decoration, choose your most treasured items that make you smile.

I think you'll be relieved of this burden if you focus on what is your life now and what you can control about it. You can't go back to that house you used to have, but you can get new carpet for one of your bedrooms.

I wish you luck! You work too hard and have too many positives to let this bring you down. :)

Avatar for turtleemom
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-25-2007
Mon, 12-03-2012 - 9:39am

Sorry you're feeling glum.  Can you keep your decorations and rotate them year to year?   Can you make redoing rooms a priority and and save your $5s each day for a few months to put towards home improvement? What are you willing to give up in the budget (eating out, cable, cell) to reallocate that money towards decorating?   Cleaning the basement and garage would be free or close to it if you needed to purchase storage solutions.  It might give you a sense of accomplishement and moving forward in your goal of a redone home.

As far as college costs are your college kids working and contributing during the summers and school year?  Are they expected to contribute such and such?  Surely they undrestand that you can only afford so much,