Feeling sick

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Feeling sick
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 11:37am

Had a terrible day yesterday involving a huge fight with my sister. One of her main issues with me? Not spending enough money on my nephew for his birthday last month. Claims I don't love him. I did what I could, spent an afternoon baking him cupcakes and treated him to a movie. The cost of the movie was something I could barely handle, but we made it work. Don't know when I'll speak to my sister again, and she will withhold my nephew from me.

Today DH needs my car to drive to a shooting range with my dad. Today was payday which is another stressful conversation about money and what bills we can pay. We were expecting a small bonus from DH's work today but find out first thing this morning it won't come until the 17th. The 17th - after our trip to TN, after our insurance bill is due, etc. How are we going to make this work? I work very hard on the budget figuring out what we can do this month. How much "allowance/fun money" we can have.

Dh comes to get my car, I tell him what I've worked out with our budget. Get in a fight in my work parking lot because he doesn't like how little money he gets to spend and doesn't want to "ask permission to spend $30" - gets in my car and drives off, I get in his Jeep to put it back in my reserved spot and go back to work. Slam the door - window goes off the tracks and door won't shut. I have broken his vehicle. Add that to the long list of things we need to pay for and can't. A jeep that needs a new transmission, needs an inspection and an oil change, now a broken window and a door that won't shut. Called


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iVillage Member
Registered: 07-15-2003
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 4:49pm
countrygal-2008 wrote:

The vehicle was in crappy shape and that's why he wanted to borrow your car.


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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 02-03-2012 - 7:29pm
Oh, your poor nephew! Being raised with such poor value of money. I think at 12 years old he is old enough to CHOOSE to spend time with his wonderful aunt who spends TIME with him.

Can you still communicate with him directly? My youngest just turned 12 and there is nothing keeping her from calling people, especially if I am not home.

Pray for your POOR sister! She is going to end up on Dr. Phil!

OK, I have one tid bit of advice.....

I can relate to being the anal one. And I can tell you that you are going to have to find another way to present this to your DH. My SO is like your DH, with the exception of debt. My SO has no debt, execpt an IRS bill. He also can't think past dinner tonight. He also has no retirement of savings though, either.

He ALSO thought of budget as "doing without." I had to start using the term Spending Plan.

The more details you present your DH with, the more stressed he is going to become. What you describing would never fly with my SO, either.

Just today me and SO were talking about all of the stuff we have going on in our life and he said "Thank goodness you are not asking me to cancel cable today, it would just put me over the edge."

Me and SO have separate checking accounts and if I started using a strict enevlope system, and every time he asked me to pick something up that was not in MY spending plan, and I had to ask to be "reimbursed" every time, it would drive him absolutely nuts.

I don't have a black and white answer for what will work for the two of you, but you will need to find some level of acceptance that he is who he is. It may get worse before it gets better, but it will be worth the late fees or water being shut off, or a CC being denied, or notice from the collection agency if it means your DH finally learning a lesson.

Hope something in there was helpful. :)
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-17-2010
Sat, 02-04-2012 - 1:23pm

Wow, first issue you mentioned... Your sister's behavior is unacceptable.