Feeling so overwhelmed with life right now

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Feeling so overwhelmed with life right now
16
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 7:39am

HI team,

This is a bit of


Bex -

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Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 3:03pm
(((((You might say you cannot afford this, but look at what you are spending on your friend's wedding. Be as good a friend to yourself as you are to her. )))))

So well said SJ! Wish I would have thought of that one. :)

I also used to have a job and and a direct selling career and I paid to have my house cleaned, also. We were also trained as I moved up in my home business career to pay someone else to do the minor tasks that yes, us as women, often want to do it ourselves so it can be perfect. It was hard to let go, but I followed my mentors advice.

It was worth every penny.

So Bex, SJ's suggestions are not just hers, as I also have a brief period in my life when I did the same thing.

Just something to consider, that is all.

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 1:00pm
To add to this, my DD20, sophomore in college, just transferred $.06 from her checking to savings to make her savings have an even number. So be lucky you don't have a child, they will be as hyperaware of finances as you are! It is what it is, a personality trait. And I think there are worse obsessions.

She is upset she let her savings dip below $2500 (this is her cash to use for college, not her tuition or R&B money) she always gets antsy if it drops below that amount. She will work extra hours at her college waitress job, etc. so it keeps that balance up. She buys her books online for the best prices (as opposed to the student bookstore "they just rip off the college student, Mom."

You, and her, will be fine. And no one can tell you to stop caring about it, it won't work, it is who you are.

Huggsss,

Marie
#Marie
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 11:28am
Bex -
I think you will always be hyperaware of your finances, that is what makes you, you. I was conscious at your age and still am today, nothing has really changed because I can't change me.

I love what Happy said to you, it is very good and well thought out advice. You are on track, you are still growing in your career, and you have "good debts" not bad. You are not a frivolous spender.

Dig into this client, do what you can and be sure to make clear what you will and WILL NOT do. Sometimes our clients have unreasonable expectations too, and DH totally has been dealing with saying NO to clients in a very clear and rationale way. Kicker is, if you explain it, they tend to understand or are willing to pay more for extra services (which is why DH got the promotion he did and is now on call 24/7 - but that is another story.)
Think about the people at the very top of a company. They can't respond to every email, every client need or do every task. They have to delegate and delagating takes more time as you have to be confident the person you delegate too will get the job done to YOUR satisfaction. Right now it seems really hard because you are still learning and finding a team that you can hand off to confidently. Rest assured, it will get better.
My advice is to take some coaching on creating a great team. It will extend to your personal life as well, as you build people around you that you can count on as your career grows.

I could not manage our PR, 102 trade shows and events, all of our marketing initiatives and deal with key customers myself. It takes a village and I have built one!

-Marie
#Marie
iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Mon, 01-30-2012 - 8:30am
I just wanted to thank you all so much for listening. I really and truly appreciate the supportive nature of this board.

Things are still chaos. One of our big projects (representing approximately 20% of our department income) has been so poorly mismanaged that the client is threatening to pull out. So, guess who is on clean up duty effective Friday :( This is going to consume my life for the next few weeks.

SJ I really took what you said to heart. I really appreciate the BTDT that sevearl of you have mentioned, and you know what? You all made it through and you're all fabulous! I just have to keep plugging away I guess and focusing on what I can acheive versus what I can't in the short term.
My BF thinks my problem is that I'm hyperaware of finances and it's causing me more stress than its worth. I don't know if its true or not, but it is what is it.
Thanks so much for letting me vent team! I appreciate it!

Bex -

iVillage Member
Registered: 05-08-2006
Sat, 01-28-2012 - 10:54am
Bex, I am quite a bit older than you but you remind me so much of my younger self...career driven, dependent mother, perhaps a little bit type A? I think a common fear of successful women is that we will end up as bag ladies...no matter how well we are doing, worry that one bad thing will push us over the edge. Many people who post on this board are at different points in their life than you. They are at or near their top income potential. They have made choices to have large families or finance educations without looking at income potential, or had misfortunes medical and professional that have driven them into bad debt. That is not you. You are 30 years old and building equity in a house. In my opinion, mortgage debt is not bad debt until you decide to use your house as a checkbook to finance things you could not otherwise afford. Part of why we work is to keep a roof over our heads, and if you are planning to stay in an area for a while, then owning a house, even with s mortgage, is a reasonable choice. I think the 'my house is under water' argument is needlessly frightening people. The question is 'can you afford your mortgage payment?'. If the answer is yes, and you like the house and where you live, just keep paying. We don't walk around saying 'my car is under water.' or 'my new boots are under water' (unless we are standing in a puddle). Housing cam be an investment and owing on it is OK. The same with your furnace. You will be using it for a long time. It added to the value if your house. It will pay for itself if you stay in the house long enough. Let it go...you are ok. From a job perspective, and I am totally speaking from experience here, you cannot work 90 hours a week, or even 60 for long. I strongly urge that you look at everything you are doing, and decide what are the high value tasks and what either someone else paid less than you could do, and what you are doing to perfection that no one else cares about. Unless everyone else in your office is working 60 or 90 hours a week, people have capacity to do the lower value jobs. Frankly, I think men know this, but women think everything is there job, and us Type A people think everything has to be done perfectly and we can do it better...which we can...but why should we? I am also going to say something that most people on this job will object to, and does not apply to everyone. But if you have a high end career, look at the personal life things you have to do, and pay someone to do them. The time you recover has value. I have my house cleaned every other week. I don't buy clothes that need ironing. I take one load of laundry, with my sheets and towels and whatever else can be washed and dried to 'wash, dry, and fold'. At times when my career has been very stressed time ways, I paid for someone to run errands and take out the trash. That money came back to me in bonuses and pay raises. As I moved into my thirties, I began to spend money on things like facials and manicures...things that were relaxing to me. You might say you cannot afford this, but look at what you are spending on your friend's wedding. Be as good a friend to yourself as you are to her. Again, this is not advice for someone putting kids through college, or near retirement who hasn't saved anything, or unable to pay basic living costs on their salary, or buried in high interest consumer debt. This is advice for you Bex. You who are obviously a very intelligent, thoughtful, hard working, aware young person with an incredibly bright future ahead of you. You are entering what I found to be the best part of my life, when I was building my career, building wealth, creating and living the life I wanted for myself. I am not advocating living frivolously, buying things you neither need or can afford, orwaist ing money. The next thing I am going to do today is cut out coupons and match them to what is on sale...I love the thrill of the hunt, and I hate wasting money...but spending time beating yourself up and not seeing how fabulous you are and how well you are doing is wasting the precious hours of your life. You are awesome. Own it! Best wishes SJ
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-06-2003
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 10:11pm

Bex,

Kassandra

"It is said that life has its peaks and valleys.  The challenge is to accept them equally and experience them

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 5:57pm
Is this a wedding where you are the maid of honor and incurring shower and party expenses?

Serenity
Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 5:54pm
I could never do all of that Norma! Is there anyway you could get help with all of those chores when your DH is gone?

Serenity
iVillage Member
Registered: 12-31-2010
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 2:32pm
It must be vent month around here.

Bex, you have something a lot of folks here don't have - that amazing mind and work ethic of yours. That alone will carry you very far.
You are at the early stages of personal wealth building when more seems to be going out than saving or growing wealth. Soon the tables will turn, especially since you have no kids to fund through college (there are days when I wish I was in your shoes.)
People don't realize how much you pay in taxes when you make more. They think that since you make this larger salary you take home the equivalent in income, but no, you pay WAYYY more than your share of taxes to support those who need assistance. There are times it does not seem really fair, you worked hard in school, have student loans, work hard in your career, yet for every extra dollar you earn to pay back those loans or get that time back with some deserved recreation, so much more of that dollar is taken away.
In fact, I looked at my past budgets in the 1990s, we make double what we did then, yet bring home the exact same amount per month!
-Marie
#Marie
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Fri, 01-27-2012 - 1:24pm

((Bex))

You are doing GREAT!

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