Finding the balance time vs money
Find a Conversation
|Mon, 09-09-2013 - 9:42am|
I know we have discussed this on the board before, but DH and I are having difficulty finding balance right now and its frustrating for both of us, but moreso for me.
I work full time, 40 hours a week and have a 60-90 ninute commute each day. We have two littles ones ages 4 and 6. He works a ton, during high season in the summer, easily 80 hours a week, during the slower season, around 60, plus he still does side work for people that were customers before when he ran his own business. He is never home an entire day, or even a half day on teh weekend and rarely is he home before hte kids go to bed in the evenings, maybe on average of 1 or 2 nights a week during the slow season and never during high season. So, we are getting to the end of high season, and I am burned out, between work, the commute, and the kids, I am frazzled, burned out, tired, etc. We had a talk this morning about it, I need a break, I have asked him before to set aside time to spend home with the family, even if its just one day a month, not only to give me a break, but to spend time with the family and the kids obviously. The only time I get right now is when my oldest watches the kids fo rme for a bit, and she's off to college this week, so that's it. And we have no babysitters any longer, they all went off to college also. I did start an exercise class during my lunch hours at work, so at least i am getting some time to do something of my own, but that also cuts down on my lunch hour time, which is usually when I would get to run errands and stuff wtihout having to always drag the kids along. His response when I mentioned this morning that it would be nice if he could be home just once in a while to do stuff with us was, well if we didn't spend so much money, I wouldn't have to work all the time. And I get that, but the more he works, the more money is spent overall for a few reasons, 1, he eats out all the time when he is working. We have tried to work on solutions to this and just aren't coming up with many. yes, I can make his lunches, but that adds yet another thing to my plate that I have to do every single day. And this may seem small, but I do 90% of everything at the house. I have the kids all the time, they do help somewhat with chores, but not a ton. He's not home, so I do all of the yardwork, we live on a half acre, and while I could pay someone, it defeats the purpose. We don't eat out much at all as a family, maybe 2-3 times a month and when I do for lunches its out of my spending money. I do a lot of cooking at home and from scratch and so that eats up a lot of time. I do have a cleaning lady come in every other week to help out with deep cleaning stuff, but at this point, that's more for my sanity sake because he's always upset that the house is a mess, and I don't have the time (becuase I always have the kids) to be able to sit down and really do a big decluttering of the house, which I would love to do, but there are only so many hours in the day.
Sometimes I feel like all I do is complain, and he overreacts and says its my fault, I am the one creating all these problems by not making the kids help out more, etc. But they are 4 and 6, and we only have 2 hours a night after I get home from work to do homework, eat dinner, do anything at all together, and get them to bed.
Am I making this harder than it needs to be?? Anyone else having balancing issues?