Hello again

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Hello again
Fri, 03-08-2013 - 12:52am

By now I'm sure I didn't get a job this year. Right now, the only remaining possibility is if the negotiation with the person they offered the job to falls through unexpectedly. That happens once in a while, but not often at all. While everyone would feel bad in such a situation, I feel particularly bad because I tried so hard. I was sick during the long, arduous interview trips (the interview in my field lasts for days, and I am basically constantly talking, constantly being observed), but I was so good. I tried and tried even though I felt not so good.

So I have to spend another year in this toxic place. Fortunately the College is dismantling my department, so yay!!!! The good thing is that I can be more removed from my department.

I am a little frustrated by the slowness of the reimbursement checks. They should add up to about $1,000. So what's holding up the money?? That's why I'm not updating my ticker.

I can't help but look at my upcoming expenditures. My dental costs are adding up. I fear I'll reach the annual maximum soon, and after that I'll pay to pay every cent. I still have one more crown to get. At least I have a supernice dentist. I'm going to get an MRI for my shoulder. I hope I won't have to get surgery. If so, I guess I'll reach the annual maximum, after which I won't have to pay. I have some trips (both professional and personal). I feel like I should crunch some numbers to get a sense of how big of a setback I'll have this year.

I also have to get my mind in the right place to finish writing my book. I'll need it to get a job next year.


iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 9:11am

Hey PB!

I was wondering if Serenity meant a mom and dad by family?

I hope it works out next year to apply for a job. Perhaps it would work for your particular budget to put a line in there for travel costs, and one for personal travel as well?

Dental issues are terrible. I hate cars and teeth. They seem to really throw a wrench in things. I was hoping you could put off the shoulder thing until you get that resolved, make a little head way on the debt then worry about the shoulder. 

Do you make a yearly goal for debt repayment? Even a little  a month? I know it is hard with the extra costs right now. Even a little helps for your spirit.


Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 03-11-2013 - 6:10pm

Friendship is so important!  

Only you know how urgent the medical issues really are.  And if you are anything like me, you don't even want to go in and get dinged with another co-pay unless it is absolutely necessary.  

I don't know if this even applies to your sitution, but I was pretty honest regarding my situation with some of my doctors about my $1,000 deductible.  Yea, it can take forever to pay things off, but it has allowed me some to get some things done that I was tempted to forego because of money.  

Anywho, you are a smart guy.  Point being there may be a way to do both.  It will slow down your debt repayment plan, but you can't put a price on sanity.  


Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
In reply to: mahopac
Tue, 03-12-2013 - 2:53pm

Well, you know I have family in higher education (3 out of 5 of us), so I believe you.  And nothing against community colleges or other methods of higher education, but my siblings would have dropped dead rather than change from the large universities with massive research budgets that they worked at to some other place where research is "meh."  Don't even get me started on the standards my older two kids have for themselves WRT their own college educations.

I agree with others that friends are a balm to the soul.  I also feel strongly that there are other balms to the soul, such as retreat centers and spiritual directors and therapists - all of which depend on your inclination.  Mental health is *more* important than physical health, so I say, avail yourself of whatever brings peace and joy to your soul, not fleeting happiness.  It gives you a better perspective on everything else, including your physical health.

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Sun, 03-24-2013 - 3:28am

I am not looking for career advice, and I'm not asking for help with my career. Because my profession is so specialized, people who are not in it often do not understand it, and as a consequence the advice they give is generally inapplicable. For those who tried to help, I thank you for your enthusiasm, and for the good intentions you've shown. The spirit of your generosity will remind me there is always light even in the darkest storm.

@Freeatlast, thanks for the kind offer. The kind of job I want doesn't come by making inquiries, but I am touched that you'd lend a hand to a virtual stranger.

@Dee: My plan for the next n years is tied to my career. If I stay in the academic track, it looks like: get tenured, get promoted to full professor, then (and this is where I differ from most academics) I'd want to move into administration, which pays a lot more. But this is really long term. From now to full professorship, I'm probably looking at 15 years. The "short term" financial goal is simply to get out of debt & be able to afford a lifestyle that won't make my colleagues embarrassed. (Currently, some of my colleagues refuse to come visit me because my place is too shabby.)

I'm not sure what you mean by my "unique style of communication." I do like sharing my life here, partly because normally we can't talk about the financial dimension of our lives with friends. So my fellow debtors here understand it was stressful for me to go on these interviews and getting only partial reimbursed. (I finally got a check. Now waiting for the other one.) I can share the financial worries about my medical situation -- whereas most people I know pretty much expect to be able to afford any medical service they need. 

However, my life doesn't always go well, and I like being able to share that, too. That doesn't mean it's always raining where I am. It's just that this is a place where we can share our financial worries, and our financial worries are often tied to other worries. It's harder to share the sunny days on this forum, because they typically don't have much to do with money… and not always "family-friendly."

@Karen: I don't have a family. That's one of the attractions of this group: I get to see what families do. (Apparently they shop at Costco a lot. I'll have to keep that in mind for future reference.)

Thanks for your practical questions. For 2013, I'd like to be able to pay off $7,000 -- or the amount I was able to pay off last year until the debt started climbing back up again. In fact, I've been working with the same monthly budget as last year -- that means paying off $583 every month. However, it's kind of hard to view this as a plan knowing that medical costs and travel costs will cut deeply into my payment progress. Medical care may very well eat up three thousand dollars. Dental costs fall under a different insurance plan, and I'm afraid I may be staring at some big numbers (two or three thousand).

I have budgeted for one personal trip, as I did last year. But I feel I need more than one. You know, a part of this is a good sign -- I'm feeling physically healthy enough to endure the rigors of travel. In fact, I feel well enough that I want to do it.

@Serenity: I went ahead with my MRI. I actually have good insurance (compared to most people). It just wasn't as good as it used to be three years ago. I have a deductible, but the employer will cover that. After that I pay a percentage of all costs until I reach the annual maximum out-of-pocket amount. After that all treatments are free. So I guess if I get shoulder surgery, I'll just see about those boob implants I've always been so fascinated by. j/k

@Kelly: I'm actually OK with the idea of teaching at "lesser" institutions, though it sounds like your well-placed siblings may not be. For example, I'm willing to consider community colleges -- except they won't consider me. I just want a better balance in life: living in a livable place, able to do the things I want, being able to have a life with a partner and possibly a family.

If I have kids, I think I'll be OK even if they don't end up going to the same schools that I went to. They are not for everyone. But I guess DW will have a say, whoever she will be. At one point I was thinking about marrying someone with the same educational background. Suddenly it became "obvious" that our kids would just have to go to our alma mater. Since then I've seen colleagues who felt such pressure for their kids -- mom & dad went to Yale, so junior had to go to Yale, too.

A number of you seem to think I need therapy. I'm very reflective, very self-aware. There is very little therapy can do for me. As one therapist said to me, "Human beings aren't meant to do well in your situation. Talking about it won't help. The only real solution is to leave. In the mean time, you can do meds if you want."

The sad thing with "retreat centers, spiritual directors, and therapists" is that they all want money from me. What I want is something that doesn't involve money changing hands. I want someone to care about me without having to pay for it. I want to care about someone without having to pay for it. Scratch that -- I discovered around here I can't even pay for that. There is no positive community here for me, and the one community I have is my toxic work environment.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Mon, 03-25-2013 - 1:12pm

Thanks for the update, PB.  I was thinking of you last week.

The only thing I can really add is that for myself, working a 12 step program has not just saved my life, it has given me a life.  The word 'alcohol' in Step 1 can be replaced with anything.

Anwyho, I could go on and on, but I won't.  Innocent  Point being, I understand the premise of therapy not only costing money, but not being of much help.

Whether you belive in a Higher Power, or not, your experiences, good and bad, all serve a purpose.  There are no mistakes.