Hello again

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Hello again
Sat, 12-08-2012 - 12:58am

I'm back, I think. I've been gone because my personally life has been upside down. On the other hand, professionally I've been moving forward. In terms of debt, however, I've been moving backward. But now I'd like to reverse the tide.

For the upside down stuff -- I'm not sure how much I should say, and how comfortable you'd be as readers. After all, this is a family-oriented forum. I'd been wanting a bad girl, and I got her. Well, actually, no one can really have her, and it wasn't just one bad girl either. Financially all this was rather expensive. (No, I wasn't paying for sex, but the equipment costs, the medical costs, the wining and dining costs, and other stuff I don't want to get into...) But I was having lots of kinky sex. Do you know the Lucinda Williams song, "Essence"? It was like that. It was like I was getting called. The money issue aside, I'm not sure it was worth it, though -- I became pretty messed up emotionally because what I really want is love, and I wasn't getting that. Good thing I didn't catch anything.

That's one way to summarize it anyway. I told a friend about parts of it in some detail, and, greatly alarmed, she said if I want to keep my career, I will tell no one about it. I told another friend, and he said, wow, this is the sort of stuff you read about in erotica. I'll have to think a bit more about what I can share here, because these were rather complicated situations involving too many people.

I stopped keeping track of my spending, because it was just too depressing. I will start again. I haven't looked at my debt level in a while. So take turns whipping me with wet noodles, why don't you. On second thought, maybe you shouldn't...

But work is going OK. I have some new, strong graduate students, and they seem to like me. My enemies in the department have quieted down, but I think something new is about to start. I'm going to be a whistleblower, even though there isn't really confidentiality in academia. I can do that because I'm applying for a job somewhere else, though wherever I go is likely to pay less. I can't stand living here anymore. Getting out of debt will take longer.

I'm not sure I'm done with bad girls. Something about the crazy, smart ones really sets my heart pounding and my loins on fire. I am also developing stronger preferences about how I'd like them to dress.

I miss Kate. Has anyone heard from her recently? I'm worried about her. 

Glad to see that time is moving forward as expected, Norma. Another week, another step towards freedom. How's your shoulder and your various ailments?

How are you babies, Karen & Jennifer?

How are you, kac? Hang in there.

Bex, have you been able to ride in this weather?


Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Mon, 12-17-2012 - 2:30am

Thanks for all the support, guys. I seem to be going through a somewhat hard, uncertain stretch of life. I don't take your attention and concern for granted, and I am aware I'm kind of a difficult or special case. I hope that we will all be in the light at the end of the tunnel sooner than we think.

iVillage Member
Registered: 04-10-2003
Sat, 12-15-2012 - 9:50am

Welcome back PB!  I hope that things turn around for you!

I haven't made as much debt progress as I would like (still going down . . . just not as fast as I would have hoped). But I am planning on making 2013 my year :)

Hopefully, you can get out of that small town and things will turn themselves around for you. I have my fingers and toes crossed!

(And no, I didn't get out on the bike nearly as much as I would have liked!)

Bex -

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 10:11pm

@Serenity: I am very reflective, so I know why I'm doing these things. I know why I'm attracted to the type of women I'm attracted to. I know why I spend. Thanks for your concern, and your intuition is right. And if you're trying to recommend therapy, here's what my therapist said: "It's not you. It's this town. I have a lot of patients like you. You just have to get out of here." (In a small college town, the therapists usually have a lot of academics for patients.) And it's not so easy to find an academic job. I'm at the point where I will give up my career if I can't find a job elsewhere, just so that I can move away. 

To be fair, a really substantial chunk of my expenditures over the last few months was medical. The funny thing is that outwardly I look so wonderful, and that includes health -- I look very healthy on the outside. But that's not so in reality.

Community Leader
Registered: 08-25-2006
Wed, 12-12-2012 - 7:02pm

So glad to see you!  I am going to try and not take it personal you didn't ask about me.  Wink

I think that details aside, we have to really look inside ourself when we start spending money we don't have on something that is a want.  Sure, we all have "hobbies" for lack of a better term, but anytime expenditures are causing harms, we have to look at why we are spending the money.  Now if a person is addicted, then that adds an entirely different level to it all.  Not saying you are, just saying we all have to look at these things.  Rarely are finances not affected. 

You will always be attracted to a similar type of woman, as I know my "type" has never really changed, but that doesn't mean that you can't find a partner that suits us perfectly.  The perfectly imperfect mate.  Laughing

Oh, and we are all worried about Kate! 

Again, glad you are back!


Avatar for mahopac
iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-1997
In reply to: mahopac
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 3:19pm

No kidding about that.  Sometimes weird coincidences do come up.  About 10 years ago I became online friends with someone who was unhappy in her marriage.  We never exchanged last names, but one day I had the sudden, startling suspicion that my new online friend was unhappily married to...my client.  I quickly verified this without either of them knowing, and then I gave up the friendship, as it felt too dishonest to my client.  Our paths narrowly avoided crossing in person a few years later - thankfully they never did.

Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 11:17am
@Norma: Yes, I have run into her. She doesn't want to move here. I don't buy the "there is only one soulmate" theory, but even if there's a hundred of them waiting for me, they are not in this terrible town.

iVillage Member
Registered: 10-01-2008
Tue, 12-11-2012 - 8:34am

I've been wondering where you were.  I'll withhold what I'd really like to say.....think big SIs here...in oder not to step on any toes.

PB, you have got to get yourself back on the wagon if you want to attack that debt.  I'm glad you decide to return to the board.

Thanks for asking about my heath.  My should is 90% normal, some arthritis in all my body, heart is misbehaving a little, but I have a checkup in January with the with the heart specialist.  Overall working 40 hours a week and maintaining.  I guess that's all you can ask. 

PB I wish Santa Claus would bring you a nice old fashion girl who would be your life long companion.  I hate to hear that anyone is lonely.  Someone is out there somewhere, you've just not run into her yet. 

Please check in weekly, it helps!


Avatar for poorboy2011
iVillage Member
Registered: 10-02-2011
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 7:58pm
@Karen: No, I had to stop doing the vertical variety of dancing to make time for the, urh, other variety. But now I think I can try to live a more balanced lifestyle while strengthening my core muscles in other ways. @Bumbling: Yes, I did make overall progress, especially from 11/2011-6/2012. After that, a long lesson in "No Woman, No Cry." Now I'm still ahead, but not by that much. I'll have to take a hard look at the numbers.

iVillage Member
Registered: 07-24-2001
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 6:07pm

Hey PB,

Welcome back.  

I'm curious about something; I know you use to pretty consistently report your expeditures for the week, but I was never really clear on your overall financial progress since you joined the group.  Are you in less debt now than you were when you joined?  Just wondering. . . 

iVillage Member
Registered: 11-14-2008
Mon, 12-10-2012 - 10:23am
Hi PB! So glad to see you back, kinks and all! LOL! I miss Kate too! Baby is doing just fine. Almost 5 months old already. I hope your debt journey gets back on track and you can find some peace in the planning again. Just try to imagine life without the debt for a day or two. Sometimes that helps. Still dancing?